Religious Fervor

A tongue-in-cheek look at religion in America

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Read the "true christian perspective" on the latest national and worldwide news.


Find out how hollywood is secretly subverting our children with Spongebob Squarepants!
"Freehold, Iowa - (April 2003) Complete shock filled the Landover Baptist main sanctuary last Sunday as Pastor Deacon Fred revealed in graphic detail, decadent hidden sexual messages in the popular cartoon series, Sponge Bob, Square Pants™. "


Gotta love these people, the parodies are wonderful.

Mind Still Reeling

My 16 yr old spent the the past 30 some hours away from home at a friends home. This friend does not live in the best of neighborhoods, in fact we had grave reservations about her spending time there. But her friend is a very nice girl, who lives in an alternative household.....read what you will there, the problem is not really the two girls, it is the neighborhood reputation--lots of drugs and drinking--very little adult supervision----anyway, I tried to tell myself that she is 16.5 years old, I trust her judgement, she has to make these types of decisions for herself, she has a very level head on her shoulders (where that came from, I am still asking)

Sooo anyway, I get an earfull tonight, more than I can really take in......

Kids drinking (not her, she was NOT going there she said, in fact talked several others into not drinking, she said they had more fun making fun of the drunks, and asking them to fetch things for them, so they could watch them stumble around)...anyway I learned...

They babysit each other, some choose to stay sober to do just that....if someone passes out, they turn them on their side, prop their backs with a pillow, just in case they vomit, then they won't choke on it......I would have never thought of that when I was a teen! But then I would probably have been one of the ones who needed propped.

Next topic....one of the girls was very drunk, then had a panic attack, which they thought was a seizure, so they called the 911....so daughter and others are freaking out big time....thery are sure they will all be arrested, the other kids are saying "No way can police come inside the house", daughter is telling them, "Yes they can, if they think they have probable cause, which with a bunch of drunk teen-agers they do!" ( I am thinking great, I could have had a nice trip to the police station, well I didn't just think it, I said it!)

So they wake the guardian, police breathalyze almost everyone, luckily most pass, but police find a pipe in a girls purse, older sister says "I take full responsibility for everything" to the police, until guardian loses it, and tells her to tell the truth, or basically life as she knows it is over! Yeah that kind of pipe.

Anyway, Panic Attack girl was taken to the hospital, the rest of the house was cleared out, and daughter tells me she retreated to her friends room, and then she lost it.....said she felt as if she couldn't breathe, that the very air felt too heavy to take into her lungs, she ask her friend to make her laugh, to give her some comic relief.....gotta love her, which I do. She said she wanted to call me soo badly, but didn't want to call me.....I do remember feeling like that.

She moves on to tell me how there are usually drugs being done in the older sister's room, okay, not liking this, tells me that she was in a room filled with pot smoke, that she finally left because it was giving her a headache.......SHE IS NEVER RETURNING TO THAT HOUSE!!!!!!

Gotta remember this is a 16 year old girl, so subject change--she starts telling me of their trip to the mall....and how they were rapping some song called slob on my knob.....about a blow job, gonna have to google that one......I am thinking OMG! She says they rap it because it is funny, it makes them laugh........ My God! Do I ground her for life????

Okay I googled the lyrics
"Slob On My Knob"

[Juicy J]
Slob on my knob
Like corn on the cob
Check in with me, and do your job
Lay on the bed, and give me head
Don't have to ask, don't have to beg
Juicy is my name
Sex is my game
Let's call the boys, let's run a train
Squeeze on my nuts
Lick on my butt
The natural curly hair, please don't touch
First find a mate
Second find a place
Third find a bag, to hide the ho face
Real name rover
I said bend over
I started to knock, then came the odor
Smelled like mush
Shouldn't had a woosh
Told her to stop, and take a dush
While she did that
I didn't want the cat
So I bounced out and never came back

Suck a nigga dick or something [4x]

My nigga D-Magic
Said he had to have it
I said just forget it, it's too craby
Know a little freak, in Hollywood
Sucks on dick, does it real good
She'll give you money, feel up your tummy
House full of kids, parents all schummy
Once had a down, backyard ground
Hit it from the back
Enjoy the sound
Lay on the cover
Always use the rubber
Till I got caught, fucking with her mother
She blamed it on me
We fought in the street
She pulled out a knife, so I had to flee
Called up the boys
Went to her house
Charged the whole place
Threw the bitch out
Police busted in
Where the niggas at
We left just in time, and never came back
Roll through the hood, waving at the freaks
Who's sniffing all the rocks, and smoking all the geeks
Made another stop
Police station
Saw a few cops
Drove by and sprayed them
Licensee tag number
A nigga said he saw
Bogus all the time
Never get caught

Can I lock her in the house forever? Or do I continue to trust her judgement.....TRUST...so hard, but a must, until proven otherwise, but getting close, very close, time for friends to visit here, instead of her there.

15 of the Simplest of Pleasures (in no special order of importance)

• Watching the sky during a thunder storm
  
• The blackest night, a star filled sky, lying on your back gazing upward
• Sitting on a deck on the lake, enjoying a huge cup of coffee and listening to the birds wake up song
• A plate of bacon, fried eggs over easy, and a slice of rye toast smothered in creamy butter
• Inhaling the scent of lilacs in bloom
• A warm cozy bed, an open window on a brisk cold winter night
• The sound of a train whistle in the distance at 3 am
• Listening to children laughing
• Floating lazily in slow moving water, feeling sunfish nibbling on your toes
• Working hard on a hot summer day, drinking cold well water from the garden hose
• Sitting with friends around a campfire
• A hot fudge sundae, covered in peanuts
• A baby sleeping softly, peacefully against your chest
• Listening to a friend tell you the happenings of their day
• Hugs

50 Things I Will Never Do.............

I came across a random writing site, one that is supposed to help kickstart the brain. Get those feelings of creativity flowing again.

One of them was to list 50 things you will never do. I thought that should be easy enough, I'll try that one first.

But, for the number one I think I have to write.....

There are probably not 50 things I can say I will never do, because I might do some of them, I am fairly open-minded, there are a lot of things I want to do, a lot of things I hope to do, and there are already a several things I have done, that if asked even a few years ago, I would have said "I would never do that".

So then I thought, how about reversing it, can I list 50 things I have done, that I thought I would never do? If so, am I willing to post those here? Because there are some things I have done that are so deeply a part of who I now am, I am not sure I am capable of sharing those with anyone, everyone. There are some that are hardfor me to even think about, while many are things that I am so very glad I did.

Something to ponder on, something to perhaps work on a few minutes each day, something to wonder about, something that may perhaps teach me more about who I am, where I am going, and where I want to be. Then a part of me reminds myself of something a friend keeps telling me....."You think too much, just do it". But then again, that is a part of who I am, thinking too much....and I think my dear friend "gets that" about me too.

I am now wondering, is writing about 50 Things I Will Never Do, something I will never do?

24 Hours

My parents have spent the last few months pretty much raising my 4 year old nephew and his 5 month old sister, Mom needed a break this weekend, so she asked me to take them for the weekend. Somehow, my 9 year old and 15 year old nieces got into the mix, and the baby ended up being taken by a friend of her mothers---good and bad---I was kind of looking forward to having a baby around, but not looking forward to having a baby around---- who was not used to my household or really me for that matter.

I learned a few things this weekend that were I suppose small eyeopeners.

I learned that with the addition of a 4 year old and a 9 year old in my house that old instincts very easily reassert themselves.

I was a stay-at-home mom for 13 years, once I returned to work, and my children reached their teen years some of my habits changed. When the children were younger, feeding them was a top priority, getting those 3 healthy meals on the table on a regular basis seemed very important. Once they became older and more self-sufficient, I stopped making family breakfasts, and lunches, they were/are able to do that on their own, oh I still do the Sunday morning brunch, with an occasional Saturday one thrown in, but I don't worry about their meals anymore except for dinner each night, and that chore is shared depending on how late I work.

But this weekend, it was suddenly as if I was that person I used to be, slipping right back into the role of making sure all were fed at a decent time, with decent food. Making sure they were all bathed, were happy and content with their little world.

It surprised me, I was up and out of bed at an early hour, got those first 2 cups of coffee under my belt and was cooking up a storm....then just doing all of the other little things I used to do, when it suddenly hit me how abnormal that was, all of my other nieces and nephews are teenagers now, so I just have to make sure the refridgerator and snack cabinets are full, they do the rest. But with the younger ones in the house the old me popped out from somewhere. I suppose the nurturing part of us never leaves, it just changes direction.

I was also worried about keeping the younger ones entertained, didn't really want them just watching TV, and I was fairly certain the two teens were not going to want to spend their time playing with them. In a sense I was wrong about that, I had to remind them a few times to keep their language appropriate, although come to think of it, the 9yr. old had to remind ME to watch my own language in one instance. Otherwise the two teens seemed quite content to be kids themselves, still have the old play house and monkey bars, and they had to prove to themselves they could still do all the stuff they used to (they couldn't, neither could I for that matter). Thank god I saved all of my son's legos, they do come in handy with a house full of children. My four year old nephew was in lego heaven, seems he doesn't have many, and seeing our huge trunk of legos kept him busy for hours, just picking out the pieces he wanted. With a few flashlights thrown in, they were happy campers one and all, they always play flashlight tag, or hide and seek when here, guess it is the multitude of places to hide. Was very amusing and educational to watch the 4 year old though, the wide open spaces were rather frightening to him last night, but he was so cool, he came in because he was frightened, stayed for about 5 minutes, and then said, "I am not going to be scared anymore", and took off back outside, yelling for his partner, telling her he was scared, but still venturing out into the deepest darkest corners looking for her, I could hear the quaver in his voice, how it rose in pitch as he moved farther from the house, quietly calling for her, but he kept going, what a brave little soul. ( I was watching/listening at the door) *Sigh* I was not allowed to play, "because we have to play as partners mom, and you make it uneven."

The next thing I learned is that I now know why we parents think grandparents spoil our children when they keep them for us. I was quite tired after our play and hike today, nephew was exhausted (read cranky) and 9 yr old niece was MISS ATTITUDE, seat sharing was not going well for the ride home. I did not have the patience to be diplomatic, nor to do the correct thing, so I gave in to the crankiest member, the loudest, he got his way, which totally irked the older ones.....thus I "spoiled" him. Okay mom, I now understand, I told her. She of course just said, "I knew that your day would come, and you would see it my way." (Don't you hate it when you get a 'told you so" from your parents?)

It was great to introduce my 'big city' kids to the great park we have there, they are not used to being in the middle of the city, AND being surrounded by a forest, then again, I think it was the first time nephew was ever on a trail, he tripped on treeroots so many times, always yelling out "I'm okay!" before quickly picking himself up and taking off after the older ones.

They definitely wore me out, and wore out their older cousins, but it was fun, so much fun, I had forgotten how energizing a 4 year old can be, and also forgotten how much ENERGY a four year old has!

Their day on the trail.

Back to Work

On many of my workdays, I have the opportunity to meet new people. I usually spend a little over an hour with each one of them. The majority of them are elderly, today’s was no exception. What amazed me the most when I finished our interview, was that even though the woman talked for most of that hour, and the conversation skipped all over the place, I was able to follow her, I was able to understand everything she was talking about……below is a small sample of that time we spent together. The funny thing is, a part of me was asking myself---could this be ME in 35 years? When I left her, I told her, “I like you”, and gave her a hug. And I do, I like her. She replied, “I say what I think”, my mom always told me “If you think it, you might as well say it.” I thought, hmmm that isn’t what my mama told me, but it seems to work for her. I kept sneaking glances at her daughter, expecting to see a look of exasperation cross it, but it never did, she was completely patient, there to just be there, to add to her mother’s feeling of comfort.

Mom: I don’t know if I need this kind of help or not, it was her idea (pointing at her daughter sitting on the sofa).

Daughter: Mom, I told you, remember, that someone from the agency would be coming by, to talk about getting you some help with dad for you?

Mom: I am 81 years old, I have had two knee replacements, and I have a pacemaker, I suppose I could use some help. Especially now that he is the way he is (jerks thumb toward husband sitting in the recliner next to hers.)

Dad: He smiles, and goes back to dozing.

Mom: What exactly will these folks do for me, and who are they?

Caseworker: Each homeworker is trained to do things your way, even though they may have their own way of doing things, they are asked to listen to our clients, and do things the way you prefer. They can help you with light housekeeping, laundry, errands, some personal care, to give you a break, time away from caring for your husband.

Mom: laundry? I can still do my own laundry, one thing I don’t like piling up is laundry. I not real picky about most things, my grandson helps me do a lot of things, but he doesn’t have so much time anymore, he is graduating, going to get a full time job this summer, but he sure has been a good helper. Does the lawn work, washed and rehung my drapes for me, I asked him, why should I pay someone else when I can pay you?

Daughter: Errands? That would be useful.

Caseworker: It sounds like he has been great help, and the housekeeper will only do what you want her to do, nothing more. And yes, they can run errands, trips to the supermarket, the drugstore, the post office, things like that.

Mom: In my day, I did it all myself, I had six kids, took everything I had to take care of those kids. I am a nurturer when it comes to kids, babies, but I tellya, not him, I just don’t have it in me to nurse him. I wanted to do things, I mean we traveled, but I am not done yet, I have still have to see Alaska and Hawaii.

Caseworker: they are not going anywhere, you still can.

Daughter: true

Mom: nods

Mom; this pacemaker, I was passing out, that is how they knew I needed the pacemaker, but these doctors, they don’t know anything, those doctors over at the clinic, they can’t figure anything out. They can’t figure out why he is wetting the bed, he doesn’t have accidents when he is awake, only when he is asleep. How come it is only when he is asleep?

Caseworker: perhaps it is a medication he is taking.

Mom: they say no, but I tell you, that is what caused my stomach problems, these doctors, they don’t know anything. That medicine they gave me for pain, when I fell and broke my hand, it was so strong, it made me fall asleep all the time, I am not a sleeper, it wasn’t normal, it was too strong, that is what caused my stomach problems, it was too strong. These doctors, they just don’t know anything. Now the doctors over here (points vaguely south) they know things, I have heard they know what they are doing.

Daughter: I can call them Mom, you can switch doctors if you like.

Mom: these doctors, they don’t know anything.

Mom: I don’t know, I could use some help, I used to have a woman come in to help around here, why can’t I just call her

Caseworker: why don’t you think about it, give her a call if you like, then let me know.
You have a lovely home, I can tell you like to keep it nice, having some extra hands might be nice.

Mom: I didn’t want to live here, we sold our home, this was just a place to use when we came back up here to visit the kids, we bought a place in Florida, I didn’t like this place, I should have said no (she shoots a sidelong glance at the Dad) but I didn’t and now we are here. I don’t really like this place.

Mom: I used to work, in a factory, 12 hour days, he was layed off, and I needed to get a job, I was gonna quit when he went back to work, but well, I was getting paid for what I did at home for free, why should I quit?

Mom: I had six kids, one died, now I have 5, 10 grandkids, each kid only had 2 each, got 8 grandkids, and 6 great-grandkids. These are them (pulls out some pictures) they live out west, they took them around Christmas time. They went somewhere so the kids could play in the snow. They were in my mother's day card. I get so many cards, the neighbors used to say I got more cards than anyone else.

Caseworker: they look very nice, lovely families.

This was also another one of those times when I wished I had a tape recorder with me, so I would be able to remember everything that she said. She rambled, sometimes it was hard to follow her from the next thought to the next, but somehow I did. She made me laugh, she made me feel sad, and even though there were times when a bitterness seemed to shine through the most, I still came away with the feeling that she is fairly pleased with the way she has lived her life, although she still wants more, but in a way that is not depressing, not angry, so many of my clients of that age range seem so depressed, like their lives had no meaning, like there is still something they need to do, but underneath it all, she has a sense of …….perhaps contentment. Which is what I hope I end my life with, not bitterness, not depression, not wishing I had done more, but a sense or feeling of contentment. Knowing that I did everything that I could, perhaps not everything I wanted, just everything I could at a particular time in my life, whether for myself, or for someone else.

Some Favorite Photos From My Roadtrip

Tenacity

Tenacity: persistent determination

Is it inborn? Do we learn it? What keeps some of us going no matter what, and make others just give up?

He quit, after 6 hours he just quit. "I can't do this, I can't do it."
How can someone plan something for so long, and because of a little physcial discomfort....okay a lot of physical discomfort....just give up...quit.....

I cannot wrap my mind around this, I have spent 3 days trying, I thought by late Friday evening I had accepted that some people just do not have that added spark or whatever it is that keeps you going, that keeps you from quitting. Then I thought, maybe that is my problem, I don't give up on things, even when I know that there is nothing more....I don't give up even when I should, in fact that may be why I don't start some things. On the phone today, my older brother said to me, "He just doesn't have your tenacity." And I thought is that it? Is that all it is that keeps some going, and others not? A part of me still thinks it is also pride, and just plain ol' stubborness.

He put in the most physically demanding day of his life, in the worst possible shape a person could be in, aside from being physcially ill. He called me, telling me of all his pain, his aches, his not being able to go on..........I heard it in his voice, the anquish, the fear, the defeat.

Lesson ONE: Do not do it alone!

Today, I found a website in which a person described his first day on the trail, this could have been my son,
" All I could do was sit in the middle of the trail and keep myself from crying....I tried to maintain control over my exhausted body and splintered mind. I could feel every part of my body, from the blisters on the bottom of my feet, to my aching quads, to the pounding pain in my head."
This person had two other people with him, he continued, slowly, but he did continue.

My son was alone, with no one to goad him into resting for the night, and then continuing the next morning. I tried, but the phone just doesn't do it. He was defeated at 3000 plus feet. From what the hikers I spoke with Friday morning said..... at a place on the AT called Woody Gap....the approach trail to the AT is the most severe part of that portion of the trail. Yet online, in the guidebook, it is described as moderately difficult. The approach trail is what defeated him.

I gave up too-- I pushed him, I cajoled him, I let my feelings be known, I tried ultimatums, I even found him a hiking family--they were ready to meet up with him Saturday night at a shelter called Neels Gap. (there were 3 girls his age in the group of 4 but even that thought couldn't keep him from giving up in defeat.)

Lesson TWO: For many physical preparation is more important than mental, if physically fit, the mental will follow.

A plan for the future, he/we hike/camp a trail in the southern part of our state, with similar conditions, hopefully within one of the first weekends in June. Then he and/or we go to some part of the AT in the fall....... thinking Virginia........ for a week, and hike a section. To do this, he gets in better physical condition.........so we hiked a little over 2 miles of trail last night, his sister and I even jogged a portion (proud of me--oh yeah!) he could jog a few paces then had to stop. The plan is to hike everyday we can, him twice a day......will it happen? A question I won't be able to answer for a while, but my hopes are on the positive side.

As we started out on our little trail last night, I sadly realized that I had actually hiked a small portion of the AT Friday, but he had not, he was only on the approach trail, never made it to the actual AT. Friday morning I had driven to Woody Gap, hoping it would be a spot I could start him out on fresh. It was a nice easy hike (the mile or so that I hiked), I met 3 groups of hikers, they all told me the same thing about the Approach trail, several of them skipped that portion and went straight to Springer Mountain. Why didn't he know that? He had supposedly researched it all. But then again as I mentioned up above, it is called a "moderate" hike in the guidebook.

But he climbed Frosty Mountain, and I hope he doesn't forget that. A climb I know without a doubt would have had me lying on the trail in a worse mental and physical state than he was in, but I do not believe I would have given up in defeat, most especially my first day on the trail.....something inside of me.....just says "No fing way!" Okay, I have to let that go, yes he gave up too easily, but somewhere in here lessons were learned.

Lesson THREE: Enjoyment.....things like these are supposed to make us feel good......so find the pleasure, the joy, and revel in that.

At least we had a good time together, once I let the rest go..... I decided to drive home through North Carolina, before heading back into the Tennessee portion of the long drive home. We traveled the 23 mile Cherholla Skyway, highest elevation 5,234 feet (or something like that), it was amazing, and beautiful. We also explored some little side roads hidden in the mountain passes, it was a great way to end something that had turned so negative.

We ended up driving straight through to home, had a 22 hour day, but it was a good one, even the 45 minutes spent sitting at a dead stop in a traffic jam in Nashville, because we enjoyed staring at the full moon, singing songs, being silly, and laughing....something my son and I have not done for at least 2 years....... I put over 1500 miles in from Wednesday to Saturday morning, but I loved it, and we once again have our connection.

I am disappointed that he could not do more, but if I have anything to do with it, I am not going to let him give up on his dream, in a sense it has become my dream too, it has been years, literally years, since I felt as good as I did in those mountains. Hiking a portion or portions of the AT is now my dream too. And ya know what?

I am going to do it!

United 93

My family and I went to see United 93 Sunday, I had no desire to see it, I really didn't know why.

From the very beginning, when I heard it was being made, I did not want to see it. In fact I have watched no fictionalized reenactment of the events surrounding September 11, 2001. For some reason in my mind, movies such as those, somehow seem to cheapen the lives, cheapen what happened to the many that died that day, the many that have died since. Even though they ask for donations to the memorial fund, it somehow does not make up for the feeling that it was a way to take moments of pain, fear, anquish, loss, and use them to make a dollar.

I even entered the theater with trepidition, without reading anything regarding the movie, I knew exactly what to expect. I was not disapointed, it pretty much followed what I had pictured in my mind. What did surprise me is the level of sadness I felt throughout, and the tears that I had a hard time controlling as I left the theater, most of the audience cried at the predictable portions, when the passengers were calling their loved ones to say goodbye, but the film brought out the deeper feeling of.....regret I suppose, that so many died and are still dying....for what?

I know the reasons, really I do, but each time I think of the events of 9/11, I am still reminded of the feelings of disbelief, the feelings that it was happening somewhere else. Then I also remember telling myself, people all over the world live with this on a daily or sometimes hourly basis. If there was a lesson to learn, did we learn anything?

Red-faced but it wasn't MY fault!

A series of random events/inventions that bring on an embarrassing moment.

1. Small cell phones, that we carry with us everywhere.
2. Caller ID, great invention, a new way to screen calls, a way to see who has called, or who is calling, or to not have to remember a phone number.
3. People who don't put the lid down on the toilet, I am a lid closer, all of the people I live with are not, in fact now that I think of it, no one I have ever lived with is, so don't know where that particular quirk in me came from, but I have it...
   
4. The wonderful half-bath, you know the very small bathrooms that no matter which direction you stretch your arms out, you can touch the walls, everything nice and close together.

MY STORY

Once upon a time in the heartland of America (about a year ago) I finally graduated to the modern-age flip style cell phone.

I was very happy with my new toy. I would open and close the phone, just to watch all the little lights turn on, experimenting with the various tones that identified the opening up of the phone, and it came with the game Tetris on it (this alone made me very happy). Most importantly of all though, there were no more buttons accidently being pushed, no more random phone numbers being dialed, this happened to me all the time with my big nokia phone, 911 had even been accidentally called on the old phone, from just the right pressure of my briefcase sitting on top of the dial pad.

Anyway, so really happy with my thinner, more compact flip phone. Easier to carry with me, easier to slide into a pocket.

One day last summer, I was in the smaller bath preparing for bed---brushing teeth, washing face, etc.---- my cell phone was in the pocket of my jeans, and when I removed them to put on my favorite sleep shirt, the cell fell out, I picked it up and placed it on the edge of the sink. Went back to the next step in my nightly ritual, washing my face, when I feel my elbow hit something, and hear a splash, YEP, I had knocked the cell phone into the toilet....GRRRRR!!! I immediately grabbed it, opened it up and tried to dry it off. But too late, it was waterlogged.

I took it apart, left it open to dry, I hoped, and then the next morning, plugged it into the charger--big mistake--fried it big time!
Anyway, trip to the cell phone dealer, hoping against hope that I could replace it without telling them why it no longer worked, and if I did have to tell them, hoping they would not ask how it got wet, anyway was a no go, even though I gave them a nice chuckle over the how it got wet, they won't replace cell phones that have gotten wet, and even the pleasure of owning a flip phone was not worth 150 dollars to me. So I bought a cheap little model, with the number pad on the outside. It works, not the greatest sound quality, but it does what I need it to do.

Fast forward several months. Remember what I said about me and the exposed number pad?
I get a call from a friend, during our conversation, he mentions the laugh I gave him the other day....

(now this is not verbatim, because I cannot remember the exact conversation)
me: what? how did I give you a laugh?
him: is your cell phone a flip phone?
me: no, has the number pad on the outside
him: thought so
me: why
him: I heard you going to the rest room the other day
me: WHAT!
him: yes the whole thing, the flushing, everything, at least I know you wash your hands afterwards, I heard the faucet being turned on, the splashing, the paper towel dispenser
me: OH MY GOD!
him: it was quite funny! I even heard the conversation you had with someone right afterward.

At this point I am sure my face was an intense shade of red...... then I start thinking..... my gawd! the call could have been to anyone..... I was thinking of the location of the bathroom at work, right off the break room kitchen, a favorite spot to gossip, share complaints about our bosses, and so on. I soooo badly wanted to ask him what he overheard, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't, or didn't want to know. Then I started thinking of all the people the call could have gone to, what if it had been someone I had done a phone interview with? With caller ID any and everyone would KNOW it was me.

What caused this embarrassing moment? It certainly wasn't my fault!
It was hubby's-- for building a small half-bath in our house, the inventor of caller id and people who don't close the lid on the toilet seat.

Was I, me?? the cause of my embarrassment? Hell NO! It is everyone else's fault.

Yeah, yeah, I also suffer from delusions of grandeur.

The moral of this story?

CLOSE THE DAMN LID!!!

Faith in the unknown Me

Have you ever looked back over a series of events in your life that at the time you were sure were really stupid, idiotic, majorly bad decisions?

It may have even felt like it was the end of your little world as you knew it. But in retrospect, it was for the best, the bad choices, set a series of events in motion that needed to happen?

I have been at that point so many times in the past year. Kind of running on impulse, doing things without really thinking them through because the one really big change in my life that I know I need to make, I have let fear take control of-- fear of the unknown, fear of failing miserably, fear of losing what I have.

But as I look back over some of the things I have done, each mistake, each thing that at the time I thought was really stupid, had a learning moment. Now those learning moments are culminating into THE MOMENT though.

I am finally realizing that each small moronic step has been leading me up to the point where I must face the fear, face it and conquer it, no matter the end result, I cannot predict, I cannot KNOW.

The funny thing is, this epiphany of thought has come from two random events, I picked up a novel a few weeks ago, just because I liked the title, didn't even read the synopsis of what it was about, the novel is written by an author who writes as if she is speaking just to me. But she isn't, she is speaking to millions of women just like me. I am not alone in my fears, I am not alone in my needs.

The next epiphany came from a statement an aquaintance said very recently, "You may not know what you are doing, you may beat yourself up for not being able to face your fear, not being able to overcome it now, but think about a year from now, how will you feel if you are still where you are now?"

That question, thinking about how I will feel about me, if I am still stagnating in this same exact place in a year .....I don't think I can live with that..... I don't want to be here then....

I thought I was okay with the teeny tiny small steps I was taking, but it is time for a leap of faith.....A leap of faith in myself.

Lists

I write lists, usually several a day, sometimes all the tasks that need accomplished will be on one list. Other times each list has to do with separate portions of my life, a work list, a home list, a volunteer organization list, a list of thoughts that may be meandering through my mind.

There are two problems with my lists though. I either cannot find them, because I will stick them in a pocket of whatever I am wearing at the time, or I cannot read my own handwriting, thus I will look at a list--and think wtf was I thinking of, what is mindle (this word was on one of Sunday's lists)?

I even tried to keep a notebook, labeled Lists, but I would leave the notebook in the car or leave it laying in whatever spot I was currently in, then when I needed the list it was not available because I didn't have it with me. Then I decided to use the memo feature of my cell phone for my lists, didn't remember this until one day I was playing with my phone, and listened to a memo I had made quite a while ago--that worked well didn't it?

I was asked the other day, if perhaps I would benefit from attending a time mangagement seminar, I could only laugh. Several years ago, I helped write the curriculum for just such a seminar. I know everything one is SUPPOSED to do to effectively manage one's time, to acccomplish the tasks needed. It is the implementation phase that finds me lacking.

It is a great feeling though to find an old list, read through it and mark off everything that was accomplished. I found one the other day that was several months old, I smiled broadly as I crossed a line through each accomplishment. Granted some of the very things I crossed off will very soon be on a new list, because they were tasks that crop up on a seasonal basis, but I date my lists, I had accomplished it all, and until I start a new list for those particular tasks I can continue to feel that sense of accomplishment.

So far, the best way for me to keep my lists updated is to use post-it notes, I have them everywhere, sticking to everything, these work well, I find one, read it, think DONE, wad it up and throw it in the trash, an excellent feeling. This action also allows me to remember the task has been accomplished when I run across it written on a list somewhere.
Double the pleasure, I can mark it accomplished twice.

Sleeza Leeza

(notice the so completely smooth complexion..think they used the smudging tool of the photo software here)

Okay not a nice way to start out, the title I mean, but there has always been something about Miss Sweetness and Light I just don't like.

Tonight was no exception, how did this television personality become a radio personality?
Was making a quick trip to the convenience store to purchase a gallon of milk, and who is the nighttime dj on one of the radio stations, no one but Ms. Gibbons herself. Tis true it is a mixed play station, but Leeza? And the talk of the evening was planning the perfect summer party, or at least I think it was. I have no idea who her guest was, but *insert valley girl accent here* she was totally gag me with a spoon!

The perfect summer party goes something like this, go to that closet that we all have in our homes, you know the one with yards and yards of fabric that you buy just to have on hand for those special occasions. Pick out a lovely summer print, take it to you favorite alterations person (her words not mine) and have a few table cloths, and some toss pillows made up, that way you can tie in your outdoor furniture, matching cloths and pillows on the chairs. Then please make sure you get the scraps of fabric left over because you can use those to drape them over the trees and such, really cute way tie it all in together!

To make your guests feel immediately at ease, offer them a drink (okay this part sounds good), margaritas are nice, and the hostest with the mostest doesn't have to worry about spending all of her time mixing drinks because now you can call 1-800-margarita and have it all premixed with premium tequila (didn't know you had to call anywhere, seen the stuff in liquor stores for years now), anyway as nice little ice breakers, hand your guests a margarita and a cocktail napkin, but not just any cocktail napkin, these cocktail napkins have little messages printed on them......such as:

one piece or two piece? (like that would go over well with my 300 pound friend)

are you a digger in the sand or a sandcastle builder?

on the rocks or frozen? (like the guest had a choice)

These little messages are ice breakers, we are to tell our guests to mingle, to go up to the next person they see and answer the questions on their cocktail napkins.

Like yeah right! Doesn't this sound like one of those team building retreats? Oh I hate the little games they make us play, now when it is time for the climbing wall, or the zip line count me in...oops getting off target here.

If I were at a party and the hosts asked me to do that, I would be talking about the cocktail napkins alright, but it would not be whether I wear a two piece or a one piece.....more like....how many margaritas can we snarf down before we move on to the next party?

Some ice breakers for the cocktail napkins at your next party:

Name your two favoite porn stars.

How many drinks does it take for you to make a total ass of yourself?

Victoria Secret or Fredricks of Hollywood?

Have you ever been tested for a STD?

Letting Them Go.

My child (yeah, I know not really a child any longer being that he is 20, but he will always be my child) is planning on spending at least 70 plus days on the AT (Appalacian Trail) hiking alone. Are we worried? You betcha. I am not EVEN allowing myself to dwell on the multitude of things that can happen. Hubby thinks a personal GPS tracker is the way to go. Suggested this to The Son today, got a "NO WAY! I will attach it to someone's car". Hmmm, so do I convince him it is a good idea? Not sure on this one.

Personal trackers seem a bit too Orwellian for me. Knowing someone's every movement. Being able to track where they have been, to where they are. I think even though every day I will be worried about him, that this is something he needs to do, in fact I think it is something he must do, and I definitely know that if someone wanted to put a tracker on me, I would be totally against it. Anyway he will have his cell phone with him.

Funny, we always read about how it is us mother's who are overprotective, unsure of our child's capabilities, but in this instance his father is fighting this every step of the way, having no confidence in his abilities....so sad to me....I know he can do it.....I know he has the knowledge, the grit, the desire......I am proud of him for wanting to do this, I think he will learn an amazing amount of things, most especially about himself. So even though, I will most likely have no fingernails (from biting them) until the end of July, I do support him in this endeavor.

For every question I ask him, he has the answer, "Yes, Mom, on my list. Yes, Mom, I have thought of that. Yes, Mom, I did research that. Yes, Mom, yes yes yes Mom, I am going home now Mom." Poor kid, and that is only from me, his father is so much worse.

I ask three things of him basically, to eat as healthily as possible on the limited rations he will be carrying, to keep a journal, and to take photographs.

I have always considered myself an optimist, but I am already steeling myself for the sight of my bug-bitten, sunburned, whip-thin son at the end of July. At almost 6'3" and well over 250 pounds I can only imagine how he will look upon his return, but mostly I think he will look happy, content, and proud, especially if he makes his goal of 1000 plus miles.

For me the best part of this trip is that I am going to be driving him down to Springer Mountain, we will have a couple days of driving time to once again connect, to talk, time we have not had for over 2 years. I am looking forward to that, and I am also looking forward to the slow drive home, to actually have some time for just me, oh yeah! I do love road trips! Then I get the return trip of picking him up somewhere in Virginia? Hmm, I haven't asked him where exactly he plans on ending up. More questions to ask.