MSN had an article on handshaking today, or maybe that was yesterday. It intrigued me, not the handshake part really, but that it mentioned that when John F. Kennedy was running for President, he commissioned a study to find the most effective handshake, resulting in the double handshake he used from then on. I guess it may have helped get him elected. I dunno. The whole idea of all the strange things that are studied got me interested, but all for naught, I tried to google other pre-presidential election studies, but maybe I didn't use the right words. Maybe I shouldn't have used the words "stupid studies done by U.S. presidents."
But it did get me to thinking more about the art of shaking hands. I can't remember when I first learned there was a special way we were to do it, probably in a highschool communication class. I do remember having to practice. I was a very shy young girl, and it seemed so difficult to "have" to shake hands with my fellow class mates. Trying to grab their hand in the correct way, and make eye contact, and then not having my arm shook out of the socket. Being shy, the eye contact was the hardest part for me, sometimes it still is.
Then as I entered the world of grownups, the handshake became so important, it seemed like a measure of adulthood somehow, I can remember it suddenly seemed like no matter what I did, where I went, I was constantly having to shake hands with someone, so eventually it became easy, just something I automatically did, stick out my hand....about 10 years ago though, I noticed that many women seemed uncomfortable at first, and I realized that the handshake for women used to be pretty much regulated to the business world. So it had its own awkward moments, there I would stand, with my hand sticking out and the other woman would be looking at it for a heartbeat or two before reciprocating.
Which of course even back then got me to wondering....was there a special way women were supposed to shake hands as opposed to men? Was there handshake etiquette?
Yep, there is handshake etiquette, but most people don't know it.....just like most people don't know that your nametag is supposed to be worn on the right side...why?.....so that when you are shaking hands with someone they can quickly glance up your right arm and read your name...
In the MSN article, there was a wee bit on handshake etiquette, including the silly thing that the person with the most power is supposed to offer their hand first? Wtf? If I waited around for that, there are times when we would be standing there awkwardly for way too long, instead of just getting things moving......I wonder, if I start it, does that give the impression that I have the power? Cool! Could that hurt someone in a meeting though, if they offer to shake first?
What I don't like about handshakes though isn't who initiates them, but how it is done.
I can remember meeting a gentleman ( use that term rather loosely) at a rotary club meeting, he gripped my hand so tightly that the stone setting in my ring cut my fingers.... I bled! Ouch!
Or I have had my hand more caressed than shaken, the comfort level on that one was a tad bit weird.
Then there was the new intern recently who gave me his hand, and it felt like I was holding a wet noodle. I wanted to stop the entire process, and teach him how to shake hands.
I look at it this way, a handshake is a greeting custom, they shouldn't be memorable, they should just be a part of the ritual of meeting and greeting. If the handshake is memorable, then there is something wrong with it.
I have so many meetings tomorrow, I wonder, will this post be on my mind, will I be evaluating handshakes? Probably, because I remember after I found out about the proper placement of a nametag, I would check to see who had theirs on correctly, which if you will notice....is very few people.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
Speaking vs. Writing Style
I was told recently that I have a very active mind. For some reason this surprised me, I suppose I have always assumed that most people's minds are like my own. But the person who told me this, seemed to think it unusual. (But then if I think of what this person does for a living I can understand where he was coming from, he deals with people who have very inactive minds, )
I am not sure I would call it active, there are times that the strangest things catch my fancy and I have to know more. But there are also many times when I am so bored I can't keep focused on anything....or maybe this is a symptom of ADD, which I keep getting accused of showing symptoms of. I didn't particularly notice the boredom reaction until I started reading so many blogs, there are some blogs that I love to read, and I can read the entire blog, well, maybe skim is a better word, but I do read in depth that which catches my fancy. But there are also nights when I will hop from blog to blog, website to website, not being able to stay focused or get interested in any of them....perhaps it is a mental exhibition of those days I used to notice a physical need to keep moving, feeling antsy, nothing satisfying my need for stimulus.
Anyway, don't really understand the reason it came together, but I started thinking about the way we speak, and write. I pretty much write as I speak, I use the same words, whether speaking or writing, I ramble when I write, I ramble when I speak, I lose my place when I speak, at least with the written word (instant messenging) I can go back and see what I wrote so that it will jog my memory....anyway......
In reading blogs written by such diverse people that we all are online, I have noticed a few things...
If a blog post is written in a conversational tone or comedic tone, I will stay-tuned even if the grammar or the spelling isn't so great. But if someone has decided to write some fiction, or express an opinon, if it is written in what I think of as a childish, less mature writing style I will dismiss it, and sometimes dismiss the writer too. How unfair that is.
Some people are blessed with the ability to put down on paper (hmmm that particular phrase is a bit outdated isn't it?) or type, in a style similar to how they speak, how they think. But there are also many people who do not have that skill, they may have brilliant minds, they may speak quite intelligently, but when writing, for whatever reason it comes across as less intelligent, immature, it is as if they cannot get the words from brain to fingers to blog.
So I have decided to be a bit more fair, try not to judge by writing style, everyone has something to say, some are just better at it than others. They are still trying to get their ideas across, to say what they have a need to say.
But it does make me wonder about some of the bloggers out here in this wonderful blogosphere, does Pamela speak as she writes? Is she as funny, and offbeat in real life, (or as Lime recently described it.....our 3D world)? Is Phil that funny and sometimes facetious? Is Poly as poetic and introspective? Is houseboatbob really that caught up in the world of big-boobed blondes (smiles here)? Or if you read my other blogs is sex really the beall and endall of my world? Are the bloggers who only post pictures of themselves on their blogs, or post the cute little bloggy things (like the quizzes I find so addictive at times).... that shallow, or do they just not have the need to express their thoughts and feelings?
Some blogs are journals, maybe just the daily happenings of someone's life, some blogs are written as a way of letting out our inner demons, or used as a form of creativity, they become an artform themselves. Some blogs are used I think to let our online friends know what is going on in our 3D lives (I do like that expression better than real-life vs online life) when we don't have the time or the inclination to share that in email or in an im.
I think I am questioning so much of this, because until we get to know the person behind a blog, we form an opinion of who they are by what we read, and sometimes that impression truly is only one dimensional. It is hard to remember that.
The people I have gotten to know more of, the ones I have established online friendships with, I know there is so much more to them than what they write. Guess I am telling myself, not to form too much of an opinion of someone just because I have read their blog. There are a few of us out here that keep more than one blog (my last count was 6), and with those, we do see more than one side of the person. So we can get a feel for who they are, but we still don't really know them.
But then again, do we ever really know anyone, even the people in our 3D lives?
I am not sure I would call it active, there are times that the strangest things catch my fancy and I have to know more. But there are also many times when I am so bored I can't keep focused on anything....or maybe this is a symptom of ADD, which I keep getting accused of showing symptoms of. I didn't particularly notice the boredom reaction until I started reading so many blogs, there are some blogs that I love to read, and I can read the entire blog, well, maybe skim is a better word, but I do read in depth that which catches my fancy. But there are also nights when I will hop from blog to blog, website to website, not being able to stay focused or get interested in any of them....perhaps it is a mental exhibition of those days I used to notice a physical need to keep moving, feeling antsy, nothing satisfying my need for stimulus.
Anyway, don't really understand the reason it came together, but I started thinking about the way we speak, and write. I pretty much write as I speak, I use the same words, whether speaking or writing, I ramble when I write, I ramble when I speak, I lose my place when I speak, at least with the written word (instant messenging) I can go back and see what I wrote so that it will jog my memory....anyway......
In reading blogs written by such diverse people that we all are online, I have noticed a few things...
If a blog post is written in a conversational tone or comedic tone, I will stay-tuned even if the grammar or the spelling isn't so great. But if someone has decided to write some fiction, or express an opinon, if it is written in what I think of as a childish, less mature writing style I will dismiss it, and sometimes dismiss the writer too. How unfair that is.
Some people are blessed with the ability to put down on paper (hmmm that particular phrase is a bit outdated isn't it?) or type, in a style similar to how they speak, how they think. But there are also many people who do not have that skill, they may have brilliant minds, they may speak quite intelligently, but when writing, for whatever reason it comes across as less intelligent, immature, it is as if they cannot get the words from brain to fingers to blog.
So I have decided to be a bit more fair, try not to judge by writing style, everyone has something to say, some are just better at it than others. They are still trying to get their ideas across, to say what they have a need to say.
But it does make me wonder about some of the bloggers out here in this wonderful blogosphere, does Pamela speak as she writes? Is she as funny, and offbeat in real life, (or as Lime recently described it.....our 3D world)? Is Phil that funny and sometimes facetious? Is Poly as poetic and introspective? Is houseboatbob really that caught up in the world of big-boobed blondes (smiles here)? Or if you read my other blogs is sex really the beall and endall of my world? Are the bloggers who only post pictures of themselves on their blogs, or post the cute little bloggy things (like the quizzes I find so addictive at times).... that shallow, or do they just not have the need to express their thoughts and feelings?
Some blogs are journals, maybe just the daily happenings of someone's life, some blogs are written as a way of letting out our inner demons, or used as a form of creativity, they become an artform themselves. Some blogs are used I think to let our online friends know what is going on in our 3D lives (I do like that expression better than real-life vs online life) when we don't have the time or the inclination to share that in email or in an im.
I think I am questioning so much of this, because until we get to know the person behind a blog, we form an opinion of who they are by what we read, and sometimes that impression truly is only one dimensional. It is hard to remember that.
The people I have gotten to know more of, the ones I have established online friendships with, I know there is so much more to them than what they write. Guess I am telling myself, not to form too much of an opinion of someone just because I have read their blog. There are a few of us out here that keep more than one blog (my last count was 6), and with those, we do see more than one side of the person. So we can get a feel for who they are, but we still don't really know them.
But then again, do we ever really know anyone, even the people in our 3D lives?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Folk Remedies
I haven't been posting much, or what I have been has been hurried.
Still hurried in a way, but I came across a little pamphlet of folk remedies the other day.
In it were a few things that I found interesting.
1. For Migraines--I have never had one, and hope I never do, but I know several people who do suffer from them, wonder if they ever tried the following:
At the first sign of a migraine, dip the flattened end of a toothpick into cayenne pepper and sniff a little bit into each nostril. In addition to offering natural pain relief, cayenne pepper is a good source of magnesium, which is supposed to ward off migraines.
2. For a Hangover--This one I will try the next time I get one.
Cut a wedge of lemon and rub it on your armpits. It is supposed to work!
If nothing else, your armpits will smell citrusy fresh.
3. Sty in the eye--been a long time since I had one of these too, maybe it is because I wear a lot of the remedy???
As soon as you feel a sty coming on, rub the area a few times with a gold ring. This is supposed to work too.
4. Athlete's Foot--again not something I have dealt with in a long while, but I know plenty of people that do....
Steep six crushed garlic cloves in a basin of hot water for an hour, then soak your feet for about 20 minutes in the water. Or you can mix the crushed garlic in olive oil and apply it directly to the fungal area (sounds so yummy doesn't it?) you do have to be careful though, I guess too much garlic can burn the skin.
If you try any of these 4 let me know how they work.
Still hurried in a way, but I came across a little pamphlet of folk remedies the other day.
In it were a few things that I found interesting.
1. For Migraines--I have never had one, and hope I never do, but I know several people who do suffer from them, wonder if they ever tried the following:
At the first sign of a migraine, dip the flattened end of a toothpick into cayenne pepper and sniff a little bit into each nostril. In addition to offering natural pain relief, cayenne pepper is a good source of magnesium, which is supposed to ward off migraines.
2. For a Hangover--This one I will try the next time I get one.
Cut a wedge of lemon and rub it on your armpits. It is supposed to work!
If nothing else, your armpits will smell citrusy fresh.
3. Sty in the eye--been a long time since I had one of these too, maybe it is because I wear a lot of the remedy???
As soon as you feel a sty coming on, rub the area a few times with a gold ring. This is supposed to work too.
4. Athlete's Foot--again not something I have dealt with in a long while, but I know plenty of people that do....
Steep six crushed garlic cloves in a basin of hot water for an hour, then soak your feet for about 20 minutes in the water. Or you can mix the crushed garlic in olive oil and apply it directly to the fungal area (sounds so yummy doesn't it?) you do have to be careful though, I guess too much garlic can burn the skin.
If you try any of these 4 let me know how they work.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Fathers
It's father's day, a day in which we show our love and appreciation to the man in our lives who made so much of a difference, whether it be good or bad.
I love my father, I started thinking back over the years of my childhood, young adulthood.....he is the man in my life in which I have some of my most wonderful memories.....he is also the man in my life of whom I have some of my most painful memories.......and even though the things he did were indeed some of the worst...he still is my father, and I have been able to forgive him.
As I remembered the wonderful things about him, I started asking myself what makes a good father.
I think that answer varies, it depends upon so many things.
Their children knowing that they love them, they respect them, they are proud of who they are....in whatever way he is capable of showing all of those things...that makes a great father.
I have been lucky, my father does not judge me, he accepts me for who I am, for the mistakes I have made. As important as that is, he is also proud of me..he lets me know that....not always in words, but in his actions....he always has.
I look back at my childhood days with my father, he taught me so much. As I said, he caused me great harm at times, emotionally and physically, but as a middle-aged adult, as a parent, I can look back over the years, and know that the good very much outweighs the bad.
My father taught me..............................
To love the written word, to read, and read and read.
To always keep learning, to keep my mind open.
To love unconditionally, even if I may disagree with someone, of the choices they make, that doesn't mean I stop loving them.
He taught me that love is shown in actions, not just words, that love is forgiveness, no matter how long it takes to reach that point.
He taught me that love is acceptance, we accept the one's we love for exactly who they are, no more, no less......even when we have high expectations, even if the one we love isn't able to meet those expectations, we must make sure they know they are loved, wholeheartedly and completely.
I think of some of the things he taught me, and for a man of his generation, it amazes me that he was willing to teach his little girl these things, that he was okay with the fact that there were some things that I was even better at than my older brother ....
My father taught me how to swim, he cheered me on even when I was beating my older brother in a race, he didn't show favoritism, but he always cheered the winner. He taught me how to break in and "make" a baseball glove my own, how to throw a baseball hard, far and fast, how to hold a bat, the proper stance, how to have a good strong swing. He taught me that having a competitive streak is a good thing.
He taught me how to place my fingers perfectly on a foot ball, I could never throw it without a wobble, but he did teach me to get it to the person I was passing it to, and that even though I was often smaller than those I played the game with, that I could use my quick feet, strong legs, and intelligence to play just as good a game as the "big boys". Too bad I let myself get out of shape, and can't do it now :(
He taught me how to shoot a gun, how to handle them safely, to have a respectful fear of them.
He taught me how to make a fist, and how to use that fist in the most effective way.
He taught me that I could do anything, learn anything, if I set my mind to it.
He taught me that I am more stubborn than him, and that having a stubborn streak can be a good thing too.
My father taught me to not "do" gender stereotyping....even though there were truly times when I thought he was categorizing us....he really wasn't. Both of my parents worked all of my childhood. There were times in our lives when he was our main caregiver, either because of work schedules, or during a time when my mother suffered from a debilitating disease in her late twenties/early thirties. He was both our mother and father then. Again a something that was unusual in a man of his generation.....I see this legacy in my two brothers......I also see it in the expectations my sister and I had in the father's of our own children, a hindrance to them at times.
My father taught me how to make the BEST sausage gravy, scrambled eggs, and chipped beef gravy or (S.O.S) from his navy days.
He taught me that no matter what, no matter how bleak things may seem, I can keep going.
My mother had a hand in teaching me all about loving, and going on, but if my father had not been a part of that, I wonder if I would feel that sense of "being a survivor" quite so strongly.
Anyway..........Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful father's out there.....I know some of you are the very best fathers you can be....and that is all anyone can ask of you.
Enjoy this day set aside for you, enjoy that ugly tie, or that salmon pink polo shirt. Enjoy the fact that your children, or the children whose lives you are a part of.....love you and want to show you that love.
I love my father, I started thinking back over the years of my childhood, young adulthood.....he is the man in my life in which I have some of my most wonderful memories.....he is also the man in my life of whom I have some of my most painful memories.......and even though the things he did were indeed some of the worst...he still is my father, and I have been able to forgive him.
As I remembered the wonderful things about him, I started asking myself what makes a good father.
I think that answer varies, it depends upon so many things.
Their children knowing that they love them, they respect them, they are proud of who they are....in whatever way he is capable of showing all of those things...that makes a great father.
I have been lucky, my father does not judge me, he accepts me for who I am, for the mistakes I have made. As important as that is, he is also proud of me..he lets me know that....not always in words, but in his actions....he always has.
I look back at my childhood days with my father, he taught me so much. As I said, he caused me great harm at times, emotionally and physically, but as a middle-aged adult, as a parent, I can look back over the years, and know that the good very much outweighs the bad.
My father taught me..............................
To love the written word, to read, and read and read.
To always keep learning, to keep my mind open.
To love unconditionally, even if I may disagree with someone, of the choices they make, that doesn't mean I stop loving them.
He taught me that love is shown in actions, not just words, that love is forgiveness, no matter how long it takes to reach that point.
He taught me that love is acceptance, we accept the one's we love for exactly who they are, no more, no less......even when we have high expectations, even if the one we love isn't able to meet those expectations, we must make sure they know they are loved, wholeheartedly and completely.
I think of some of the things he taught me, and for a man of his generation, it amazes me that he was willing to teach his little girl these things, that he was okay with the fact that there were some things that I was even better at than my older brother ....
My father taught me how to swim, he cheered me on even when I was beating my older brother in a race, he didn't show favoritism, but he always cheered the winner. He taught me how to break in and "make" a baseball glove my own, how to throw a baseball hard, far and fast, how to hold a bat, the proper stance, how to have a good strong swing. He taught me that having a competitive streak is a good thing.
He taught me how to place my fingers perfectly on a foot ball, I could never throw it without a wobble, but he did teach me to get it to the person I was passing it to, and that even though I was often smaller than those I played the game with, that I could use my quick feet, strong legs, and intelligence to play just as good a game as the "big boys". Too bad I let myself get out of shape, and can't do it now :(
He taught me how to shoot a gun, how to handle them safely, to have a respectful fear of them.
He taught me how to make a fist, and how to use that fist in the most effective way.
He taught me that I could do anything, learn anything, if I set my mind to it.
He taught me that I am more stubborn than him, and that having a stubborn streak can be a good thing too.
My father taught me to not "do" gender stereotyping....even though there were truly times when I thought he was categorizing us....he really wasn't. Both of my parents worked all of my childhood. There were times in our lives when he was our main caregiver, either because of work schedules, or during a time when my mother suffered from a debilitating disease in her late twenties/early thirties. He was both our mother and father then. Again a something that was unusual in a man of his generation.....I see this legacy in my two brothers......I also see it in the expectations my sister and I had in the father's of our own children, a hindrance to them at times.
My father taught me how to make the BEST sausage gravy, scrambled eggs, and chipped beef gravy or (S.O.S) from his navy days.
He taught me that no matter what, no matter how bleak things may seem, I can keep going.
My mother had a hand in teaching me all about loving, and going on, but if my father had not been a part of that, I wonder if I would feel that sense of "being a survivor" quite so strongly.
Anyway..........Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful father's out there.....I know some of you are the very best fathers you can be....and that is all anyone can ask of you.
Enjoy this day set aside for you, enjoy that ugly tie, or that salmon pink polo shirt. Enjoy the fact that your children, or the children whose lives you are a part of.....love you and want to show you that love.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Firewall DVD
Watched the DVD tonight, hadn't heard anything about this movie, but I assumed had something to do with computer hacking ....yep it did.Was pretty good, if you haven't seen I do recommend it.
Harrison does a pretty good job at playing the avenging father once again.
The story line is pretty good, I think it is even plausible, in today's technological world.....there is one thing I am going to ask my techie friend about if I ever see him online again...hint hint.
I wouldn't really give the movie 4 stars, but it has everything good action movie needs, an evil bad guy, a sweet bad guy, a few twists and turns to keep us guessing. Although I am really smart, or it is a bit on the predictable side, I guessed early on how he would find his family...oops no more or I will give it away.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Scentology
Scents stimulate a part of the brain that influences emotions, heart rate, blood pressure and respiration. Smell is the only sense that travels directly to the brain from the sensory organ. Scent messages are picked up by olfactory receptors in the nose and transported directly to the brain's limbic region.Scents can affect mood, perhaps by reminding people of past pleasant (or unpleasant) experiences.
Know anybody that has a problem with road rage? Place some cinnamon and peppemint in their car....somehow it makes the driver feel less frustrated. But it seems they have to be mixed together, because peppermint also is enegizing, it can actually cause insomnia....don't need a raging person with more energy!
Need an energy boost? Try a citrus scent like lime, orange or grapefruit, or again peppermint.
Relaxation more what you had in mind? Lavendar and chamomile have been shown to lower the heart rate, and decrease muscle tension...so NO don't use this one in the car.
Wanta spark some romance? Choose scents like sandalwood, roses, gardenias, or jasmine. These might not be a good idea in the car either....more carnal thoughts might take precedence over good driving sense. (notice the play on words :-D )
Just be careful, remember too much of something can be a bad thing.....some scents that are too strong can have adverse affects....like causing sinus problems, asthma, and headaches.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
This Moment
"THIS is life eternal. This, all that youth will give to you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. THIS MOMENT... is your life."
Omar Khayyam
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Where do you go, when you need a place to think?
There are times when I just have the strongest need to get away from everyone and everything. I used to have a special spot on the riverbank, I could go and just sit for hours, watching the water, and the life within, the ripples of the wind across the water, the reflections of the sky, clouds and trees. But that place does not exist anymore. In fact most of the places I used to visit for some quiet, some peace, some alone time, seem to have been found by others, the places are never empty of people anymore.
So I get in my car, and I drive and drive, sometimes with the music blasting, the sunroof and all the windows open, finding back country roads to travel, roads that are living tunnels of trees in full leaf. But sometimes I need a place where I can just sit, lose myself in the aura of the place. Let my thoughts wander free, find the answers that are waiting.
Then there are times when I just exit up on the freeway, and have the car silent, no music, set my speed at around 80 and just cruise. Again letting my thoughts wander free, but the answers never come on those trips. It is the quiet interludes, sitting on a beach, or river bank that only seem to do that. Not sure why, I seem to have some affinity for the water, being near it, does something almost primal, a feeling of belonging.
At a loss right now though, I don't know where to go, my favorite lake is crowded on a daily basis due to it being summer. So I don't feel as if I can go there. But I have to find that place, that place where I can just be and be, until I feel as if I have once again found my center. For awhile I thought, get busy, stay busy, but that soon wears thin, and I have to have the solitude, and the beauty of nature to find my center.
Some special place is calling me, I just haven't found it yet.
So I get in my car, and I drive and drive, sometimes with the music blasting, the sunroof and all the windows open, finding back country roads to travel, roads that are living tunnels of trees in full leaf. But sometimes I need a place where I can just sit, lose myself in the aura of the place. Let my thoughts wander free, find the answers that are waiting.
Then there are times when I just exit up on the freeway, and have the car silent, no music, set my speed at around 80 and just cruise. Again letting my thoughts wander free, but the answers never come on those trips. It is the quiet interludes, sitting on a beach, or river bank that only seem to do that. Not sure why, I seem to have some affinity for the water, being near it, does something almost primal, a feeling of belonging.
At a loss right now though, I don't know where to go, my favorite lake is crowded on a daily basis due to it being summer. So I don't feel as if I can go there. But I have to find that place, that place where I can just be and be, until I feel as if I have once again found my center. For awhile I thought, get busy, stay busy, but that soon wears thin, and I have to have the solitude, and the beauty of nature to find my center.
Some special place is calling me, I just haven't found it yet.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
PISSED OFF AT........
ME! myself and I!
It ain't quite Wednesday yet, but I am way past ready to whine!
I am pissed off, because it seems that anything I want, need, or wish for is secondary to everyone else in my life.......and that is my own damn fault. My fault because of the years of allowing everyone else's needs, wants, and wishes to be placed before my own....thus it is my my my my my fault....god I hate that.
I state my want, but someone else in the family wants to do something, and then I back down, making excuses for the other wantee, and then go sulk in my room like a child! Have to laugh at myself for that one, cause I was in a major pout......my bottom lip quivering, thinking "why can't i do what I wanna do? why do I always have to let someone else have their turn? when is it my turn?" God! I am sooo mid-life crisis!
I am pissed off because I have to completely and totally bitch out an employee tomorrow, and I have been too damn nice to do it before now......so tomorrow I have to be blunt, I have to be strong, I have to be a complete fing biotch! A bad ass....and the thing is, I am not sure I can do it! She deserves it, she has been so lackadaisacal on the job, that 4 clients have complained of her laziness.... it has been building for months, and I being the "sweet natured" person I am, tried to couch the previous complaints about her nicely.....so once again...it is my fing fault I am in this situation.........because I wanted to be 'nice'.
Whatever made me think I was capable of supervising others? Oh they love that I listen so well, that I empathize with them, that I can see their side...but damnit all to hell! It is my fault for not nipping it in the bud when I shoulda. I have been playing the scene over and over in my mind for 2 days now....girding myself up to being able to do it.....I hate telling people they are a screw up.....but that is exactly what she has become. It was easier to fire someone than to do what I have to do tomorrow, on top of which she is the excuse queen and I really have no desire to hear all of the ones she will come up with, in her nasally whiny ass voice.
Ohh that felt good! My self-talk for the day......."Suck it up and be a bitch girl! Do your job! Or you are as bad as she is!" Hmmm not really sure that is the positive self-affirmation that it is supposed to be, but it is the best I can do.
It ain't quite Wednesday yet, but I am way past ready to whine!
I am pissed off, because it seems that anything I want, need, or wish for is secondary to everyone else in my life.......and that is my own damn fault. My fault because of the years of allowing everyone else's needs, wants, and wishes to be placed before my own....thus it is my my my my my fault....god I hate that.
I state my want, but someone else in the family wants to do something, and then I back down, making excuses for the other wantee, and then go sulk in my room like a child! Have to laugh at myself for that one, cause I was in a major pout......my bottom lip quivering, thinking "why can't i do what I wanna do? why do I always have to let someone else have their turn? when is it my turn?" God! I am sooo mid-life crisis!
I am pissed off because I have to completely and totally bitch out an employee tomorrow, and I have been too damn nice to do it before now......so tomorrow I have to be blunt, I have to be strong, I have to be a complete fing biotch! A bad ass....and the thing is, I am not sure I can do it! She deserves it, she has been so lackadaisacal on the job, that 4 clients have complained of her laziness.... it has been building for months, and I being the "sweet natured" person I am, tried to couch the previous complaints about her nicely.....so once again...it is my fing fault I am in this situation.........because I wanted to be 'nice'.
Whatever made me think I was capable of supervising others? Oh they love that I listen so well, that I empathize with them, that I can see their side...but damnit all to hell! It is my fault for not nipping it in the bud when I shoulda. I have been playing the scene over and over in my mind for 2 days now....girding myself up to being able to do it.....I hate telling people they are a screw up.....but that is exactly what she has become. It was easier to fire someone than to do what I have to do tomorrow, on top of which she is the excuse queen and I really have no desire to hear all of the ones she will come up with, in her nasally whiny ass voice.
Ohh that felt good! My self-talk for the day......."Suck it up and be a bitch girl! Do your job! Or you are as bad as she is!" Hmmm not really sure that is the positive self-affirmation that it is supposed to be, but it is the best I can do.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Well Duh!!!
In my local newspaper there is a syndicated advice column. In yesterdays column there was a letter from a 57 yr. old man (married 27 years) asking them if they thought his wife was having an affair......
The clues were:
My questions regarding this letter....wtf is he checking the odometer on her car for? He wasn't checking to see if she needed an oil change, he was just retrieving something from the vehicle.
Why is he checking out her time online? Why is he checking up on what is happening at the hotel she is going to stay at? Because he is the suspicious sort in the first place? Because she is at the age when women question their entire lives....mid-life crisis time? Or is it because things have not been good for sometime, and her behavior has changed?
Am I an oddity in thinking this was a really stupid letter to write? Wake up mister, yeah she is gonna, or is, and he knows it, so why did he write in? Sometimes I really think no one writes in to these advice gurus, they just make up some moronic letter, and then give a trite, cliched answer.
Oh in case you're interested, they told him to confront her with his suspicions.....why do I think she would just blow him off? Why do I think he won't say anything?
He won't say anything because he is afraid of the answer, why else would he write in and ask a question he already knew the answer too?
She will blow him off, because number one.....I think she has lived with his suspicious nature for a long time, and number two.....unless she is ready to work on the marriage, or bail from the marriage.....why would she admit to any of his suspicions being correct?
This once again proves to me that we all play emotional games with ourselves, we are so afraid of putting it all 'out there', afraid of hearing the truth, afraid to say what we are feeling.....I have no idea how to get past that, because it takes listening, it takes trying to understand things from the other person's point of view, it takes holding out your heart and taking the chance of at least some minor bruising. If we do that, we also have to be prepared for the consequences, the chance that things will change, and how many of us really want things to change? How many of us stay in a bad situation just because the change might be worse, or because it is easier to keep things just the way they are? I know I do it, I don't ask a question because I am afraid the person I am asking will percieve it in the wrong way. I am afraid that I won't be able to explain where I am coming from, afraid that they will accuse me of being like everybody else (whoever that is).
Not really sure how this ties in, but my children were talking about how they do not feel they get respect from many older adults, especially the 'other adult' in the family, they are still treated as small children, with no ability to have good ideas of their own, or self-control. In that same hour, I had been told by the 'other adult' that these very same children showed him no respect.....thus my question to them....
"Be honest, do you feel that I show you respect?"
"Yes, you do?"
"How do I show that, what makes you feel that?"
"You listen to us, you hear what we are saying, you don't interrupt with some judgemental comment before half the words have left our mouths, you may not like what we are saying, you may be disapointed, but you listen."
*pats self on back*
The clues were:
- Met an old highschool boyfriend at a reunion and they spent hours talking together.
- She takes a mental health day off work(wtf is that anyway? and hey, I want one!), and drives 200 miles roundtrip to go shopping....old bf lives near the shopping area.
- Wife says she is in need of time alone and is going to take a vacation by herself, hubby finds info on their pc that she has been researching motorcycles and that the location she is going to vacation has a motorcycle show happening at the same time...wifey btw isn't into bikes, but old bf is.
My questions regarding this letter....wtf is he checking the odometer on her car for? He wasn't checking to see if she needed an oil change, he was just retrieving something from the vehicle.
Why is he checking out her time online? Why is he checking up on what is happening at the hotel she is going to stay at? Because he is the suspicious sort in the first place? Because she is at the age when women question their entire lives....mid-life crisis time? Or is it because things have not been good for sometime, and her behavior has changed?
Am I an oddity in thinking this was a really stupid letter to write? Wake up mister, yeah she is gonna, or is, and he knows it, so why did he write in? Sometimes I really think no one writes in to these advice gurus, they just make up some moronic letter, and then give a trite, cliched answer.
Oh in case you're interested, they told him to confront her with his suspicions.....why do I think she would just blow him off? Why do I think he won't say anything?
He won't say anything because he is afraid of the answer, why else would he write in and ask a question he already knew the answer too?
She will blow him off, because number one.....I think she has lived with his suspicious nature for a long time, and number two.....unless she is ready to work on the marriage, or bail from the marriage.....why would she admit to any of his suspicions being correct?
This once again proves to me that we all play emotional games with ourselves, we are so afraid of putting it all 'out there', afraid of hearing the truth, afraid to say what we are feeling.....I have no idea how to get past that, because it takes listening, it takes trying to understand things from the other person's point of view, it takes holding out your heart and taking the chance of at least some minor bruising. If we do that, we also have to be prepared for the consequences, the chance that things will change, and how many of us really want things to change? How many of us stay in a bad situation just because the change might be worse, or because it is easier to keep things just the way they are? I know I do it, I don't ask a question because I am afraid the person I am asking will percieve it in the wrong way. I am afraid that I won't be able to explain where I am coming from, afraid that they will accuse me of being like everybody else (whoever that is).
Not really sure how this ties in, but my children were talking about how they do not feel they get respect from many older adults, especially the 'other adult' in the family, they are still treated as small children, with no ability to have good ideas of their own, or self-control. In that same hour, I had been told by the 'other adult' that these very same children showed him no respect.....thus my question to them....
"Be honest, do you feel that I show you respect?"
"Yes, you do?"
"How do I show that, what makes you feel that?"
"You listen to us, you hear what we are saying, you don't interrupt with some judgemental comment before half the words have left our mouths, you may not like what we are saying, you may be disapointed, but you listen."
*pats self on back*
Thursday, June 01, 2006
quotations
"right not I am the star of my own one person sideshow"
"A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as the communicating and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional effort, but rather a divine grace....this kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life...we may find a soul partner in many different forms of the relationship family--in friendship, marriage, work, play, and family. It is a rare form of intimacy, but it is not limited to one person, or one form."
~Soulmates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationships by Thomas Moore~
"Sometimes the only way to open a path to the soul is the negative way--by noting ways in which we are unconsciously protecting ourselves from the sting of life's intentions. We need explore what is painful and challenging in certain developments, where we feel most resistant, and ways we have of evading or fleeing the challenge."
"Sometimes the only way to open a path to the soul is the negative way--by noting ways in which we are unconsciously protecting ourselves from the sting of life's intentions. We need explore what is painful and challenging in certain developments, where we feel most resistant, and ways we have of evading or fleeing the challenge."
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