Life's Merry Go Round

Life, the very craziness of life at times sets my head spinning.

So much happening, so many changes, outward changes, inward changes.

In an older post I wrote briefly of my observations on the growth of my children over the years. How, as I watched each of them grow, watched each new stage of their development, (whether it be mental or physical), each stage was at first accompanied by many many faltering steps.....many failures......and then.......all at once.........it would all just seem to come together.......and there would be success!

Thus even though there is much upheaval happening.....or going to happen in my life. I also have this "Moondust Magic" (reference to yet another post) feel in my heart. I have taken so many faltering steps, had some major failures along the way, yet my world seems to be filling up with choices, wonderful possibilities are beckoning to me.

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A little more than 3 months ago, I changed focus in my career, I am still in the same field, but in two areas (I really perform two different jobs) in which I feel that I am able to give so much more. I truly love what I do.

Sigh.....Now, there is another job opportunity open, in a field I strongly considered entering many years ago. The position is one in which I am not sure I am mentally nor emotionally qualified to do, but it intrigues me immensely.

The problem with such opportunities, is that one does not often have the time to ponder them for long, or they will disappear.

When I was first told of the position, I immediately wanted to jump up, print out a copy of my resume and mail it in. But, since I am desperately trying to learn the arts of practicality and patience....I made myself take a breath, then another, told myself I am quite happy where I am......and promptly forgot all about it.......(it hasn't helped that I have been completely preoccupied in other areas of my life either......although some of those preoccupations are so very enthralling)

But this evening, I was once again reminded of the position........a whirling dervish flew in my front door.....excitement radiating off him......telling me, "It's still open, are you going to apply or not?!?!?!?!?!"

My initial reaction....."Yes! It would be an amazing job. An area where everyday would be exciting. An area where the smallest little thing I do would make a difference in the life of a child. I would love to see if they think I am qualified, if I have those special qualities it would entail."

My next thoughts......."Am I truly capable, could I give it my very best?"

It is a position that requires very special skills to do correctly, to perform in the best interest of all involved. It would take empathy, patience, knowledge, love, so very much love, discipline, a whole lotta discipline, some days it would take just plain old grit.........most days it could mentally wipe out the best of the best. Every day would be stressful. But, there is so much potential for good. The potential to help a child take steps toward a brighter healthier future.

So I ask myself, "Do I have that in me? Do I want to leave where I am now? I do truly love my job!"

Then I tell myself........"But, it wouldn't hurt to just send in my resume, possibly interview, after all, they probably wouldn't want me anyway, since I don't hold all of the necessary credentials. What can it hurt?"

Sigh, I haven't decided yet, some research to do, but 85% of me........really really wants to send that resume in......and even the thought of being rejected doesn't bother me........I keep thinking of possibilities.......of facing fears........too many years of hiding because of fear of failure? Or fear of success?

I think I talk to myself too much.