Friday, May 25, 2007

Dreams

I have experienced an amazing awakening in recent days. Dreams do come true. Mine may not have been large or spectacular, but several have come true.

In 1981 we built our first home. When I say we built it, I mean we really built it ourselves. There were no contractors, just us, family and friends, it took 16 months from start to finish. Many week nights, after work and school, every weekend for 16 months. But we did it, we built it, we lived there for seven years. Then due to family circumstances we had to leave our home, we built another next door to my husband's grandmother, to become her caregivers for the next 17 years.

But, during the time I lived in the home that we had built, I spent many, many early mornings, and early evenings walking the road I lived on. On that road, was my dream property, when viewing it, many would not see what I saw, and see, but I fell in love with it. It was the original farmstead that at one point was the center of hundreds of acres of forested river front, and farm lands. I dreamed of someday owning and living on that property.

For many years we rented out our first home, until we eventually realized that we would never move back there. We decided to sell it. In that selling, we also decided that to escape paying capital gains taxes we needed to buy more property with the proceeds of that sale. We had been showing the house for about a week, when we found out my dream property was up for private sale. One of the few things I wouldn't let go of. I wanted it, badly. We bought it. A dream come true.

During those same years, I came to a realization, that my marriage would not last, that someday we would end. I would dream of the place I so loved, the property that we would spend a few days here and there camping on. But I always held onto the dream, that when my marriage did end, I would move to that location, make it my home. I live there now, it is not a beautiful house, in fact I am living in a 3 bedroom mobile home that was placed on the property in 2005 by my husband....not in my plans....in fact if I had been told about it in advance I would have fought him tooth and nail! But.....it did work out well in the end.....I have a roof over my head, and that of my children. The old buildings here are falling into disrepair, a lot needs to be done to it, to become what it should, and, it may not remain mine, once the dust of the divorce settles, but until that time, I am still living my dream, not exactly as I dreamed it, but, I am here, the dream came true.

After I realized I would be living here, I had another wee little dream. I would imagine myself, and my two children, holding long, silly, laugh-filled conversations together, like we used to. I would imagine the three of us taking long walks together up and down the road that travels along the river. We did that tonight, fully, completely as I had imagined it. It was amazing! Another dream fulfilled.

These small dreams of mine, will not stay the same, it will all change again. My children are adults now. They will not be here long. I may not be here long. But I held onto some dreams, dreams I had forgotten I dreamed. I am living those dreams. I am content tonight, I am happy. These moments are pure bliss. I am going to revel in these good feelings, and most importantly, I am going to keep dreaming.

5 comments:

Fiona said...

Your words have lifted my spirits more than you can know Sunny. I am now believing more in my dreams than I was allowing myself to, for a while.

I see now that it's not only about having those dreams....it's moreso about believing in them, to keep them alive until they can come true.

I'm so incredibly glad that some of yours already have, my love. Just so incredibly glad. And even more glad that this evening finds you content and smiling.

Big hugs

deb said...

It always amazes me who often this happens. I think about doing something, think, there's no way and then somehow make it happen.
It's a good feeling and I'm glad you had it.

LePhare said...

Lovely post Sunny. Keep dreaming and living the dream.

We also live in a mobile home, only the original owner sold the wheels, so we now live in an unmobile home!

deb said...

Not who, how. I need to check these!

Sunny Delight said...

Fi,
My wonderful friend, it lifted my own spirits to come to the realization that dreams, no matter how long held, have a way of coming true. I hope we all keep dreaming.

Deb,
It is a very good feeling, one I hope to hold onto when times become rough! And, thank you!

Ian,
I do know that living the dream is the most important part. Little bits at a time keep sneaking up on me.

I think the wheels are still on this one, they are just covered with skirting, and eventually I hope to cover the sides of the mobile home with sunflowers...if I will ever remember to buy the seeds.....it is home, no matter how much work it needs.