Revised post. I took my blogs offline for several days, running away from my emotions, from myself, from everything. I tried to shut everyone in my life out, thinking I would quiet the emotional storm filling me. It didn't work, I haven't been able to sleep or eat for several days. So, I switched myself back on, trying to resolve my confusion, doing some very intense internal self examination. At this point I have come to only one conclusion that makes sense to me. I am unable to accept that someone loves me for me. I am missing something fundamental within myself. I expect the people in my life to eventually find my flaws and reject me. It works.