Foot In Mouth

Ever say something, and then try your best to backpedal, but no matter what you say, it's too late, can't take it back, can't make it better?
Oh I did that tonight. Back in December, one of my clients died, she died because she gave up, her quality of life had deteriorated very rapidly after she received an injury in an experimental exercise class for the elderly. She went from an 85 year old woman who spent her leisure time planning dances for her apartment complex, and dancing, to an aged weak husk in a few short months.

I was so angry when I found out how she was injured, how she would never ever regain her vitality. It wasn't really the exercise program per se, it was the students who were allowed to run the exercise program. Anyway, tonight at a training I have been attending for the past few months, I met an exercise physiologist.....she gave an excellent presentation, was so impressed I wanted her to do a training for the people I supervise. We talked, I opened my big mouth and told her about the client. Turns out she was in charge of the experimental program. Grrrrr!

She had tears in her eyes, there I am trying my best to not lay blame on her program, but to explain what happened. How we felt it was perhaps a lot of small things that led up to the accident. To late though, I had already said too much. I think my indignation is still at that level where I could not be totally sincere, even though my rational side knows it was not any one persons fault.

I can tell myself, I had no idea she had anything to do with the program, but, it would not have been hard to put two and two together. Maybe I did know deep down, since her specialty is the aging population. Maybe I wanted to see her reponse. But, damn, I am still mad at myself for saying what I said.

But I am also mad at the university, at her and her coworkers for not getting better information about the people they were experimenting on.