Wednesday, April 26, 2006


How often do we realize that someone needs to talk, we try, we really try to be there for them. Is it enough?

I have a friend who needed me or someone to listen, I hope my presence was enough. I visited her to be a listening ear, to provide a shoulder to cry on if she needed it, but thinking back on it, I am now wondering if perhaps I was really doing it for me. I needed to be there, I needed to see that she was surviving. I needed to be with her, to find the hope that someday she will be okay again.

Even though I did listen, to whatever rambles her brain focused on, I can't seem to shake the feeling that perhaps I said too much, instead of doing enough listening, that I did not listen enough. To look into her eyes, to see her anquish, to see her strength, to know her pain, but to not even begin to grasp the depth of it. She told me things that she needed to say, will need to say over and over. I hope, oh I hope I was there for her. She has so many coming to her, to assuage their grief, that she has not focused on her own. She has always been that way, she is the rock for others, she keeps her feelings tightly held. Is encouraging her to let some of it out wrong?

I don't know what else she needs, I can't fix her problem. No one can, not even she, it will take years and years for her to adjust. She has all the knowledge, all the rational thoughts are in place. But even then, she cannot find her way right now. Is being there, to listen, to give her a hug, to cry with her enough? Why doesn't it feel like it is enough?

What I do know, is that it is times like these, when we feel wrong, when nothing feels like enough, that many people stop coming around. It makes it easier doesn't it? We feel awkward in the face of another's grief, we do not know how to deal with it, it does not have an easy fix. I am hoping that I will not become one of those friends, that disapear when it becomes to hard to bear.

Because I really believe that we have to be each other's rock, and right now, before she wears herself out being the rock for 5 children, in addition to numerous relatives and friends, that she needs a rock, many rocks. I rarely pray to ask for anything, but now I am praying that I find the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom to be a rock for her.

I guess what I am trying to say, is please, please listen, and become a rock for someone, become a sheltering arm, open your heart, hear their needs. Be a rock.

And thank you to my rock, you help me so much more than you know.

1 comment:

Phil said...

I struggle with that same question of listening vs. talking everyday in my job. In some situations the listening is for them and the talking (by us) is for us. We talk in hopes of alleviating their suffering with our words, but I think mostly we talk to alleviate our discomfort with their suffering.