PISSED OFF AT........

ME! myself and I!

It ain't quite Wednesday yet, but I am way past ready to whine!

I am pissed off, because it seems that anything I want, need, or wish for is secondary to everyone else in my life.......and that is my own damn fault. My fault because of the years of allowing everyone else's needs, wants, and wishes to be placed before my own....thus it is my my my my my fault....god I hate that.

I state my want, but someone else in the family wants to do something, and then I back down, making excuses for the other wantee, and then go sulk in my room like a child! Have to laugh at myself for that one, cause I was in a major pout......my bottom lip quivering, thinking "why can't i do what I wanna do? why do I always have to let someone else have their turn? when is it my turn?" God! I am sooo mid-life crisis!

I am pissed off because I have to completely and totally bitch out an employee tomorrow, and I have been too damn nice to do it before now......so tomorrow I have to be blunt, I have to be strong, I have to be a complete fing biotch! A bad ass....and the thing is, I am not sure I can do it! She deserves it, she has been so lackadaisacal on the job, that 4 clients have complained of her laziness.... it has been building for months, and I being the "sweet natured" person I am, tried to couch the previous complaints about her nicely.....so once again...it is my fing fault I am in this situation.........because I wanted to be 'nice'.

Whatever made me think I was capable of supervising others? Oh they love that I listen so well, that I empathize with them, that I can see their side...but damnit all to hell! It is my fault for not nipping it in the bud when I shoulda. I have been playing the scene over and over in my mind for 2 days now....girding myself up to being able to do it.....I hate telling people they are a screw up.....but that is exactly what she has become. It was easier to fire someone than to do what I have to do tomorrow, on top of which she is the excuse queen and I really have no desire to hear all of the ones she will come up with, in her nasally whiny ass voice.

Ohh that felt good! My self-talk for the day......."Suck it up and be a bitch girl! Do your job! Or you are as bad as she is!" Hmmm not really sure that is the positive self-affirmation that it is supposed to be, but it is the best I can do.