Wednesday, August 02, 2006

On Being Southern....Even When Y'all Ain't


Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction
of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
thewhite, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in
the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between
a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when
we're "in line," .... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know
you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her
heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your
Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads
"I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could. "


Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl'stn)
Savannah (S'vanah)
Fort Worth (Foat Wuth)
New Orleans (N'awlins)
Atlanta (Addlanna)

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South
wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!!

1 comment:

LePhare said...

Loved the thoughts on being Southern. I always thought 'drectly' was a Cornish term, as in 'Cornishmen do it drectly'.
Best wishes,