It is only 8:00 on Friday night, and I am exhausted, my soft snuggly down comforter looks so very inviting. I can't stop yawning.
I want to thank those of you who wished me well, and helped to bolster my confidence these past few weeks...I very definitely needed it!
It was a whirlwind of a week. My mind is so full of information, information that I know if I am very lucky I will only be able to remember 25% of. My god just trying to understand all the funding sources has me spinning. The more I learn though the more I want to know...so that is a good thing...since dispensing information to our low-income and aging population will be a very big part of my job soon.
The people I work with have all been very welcoming...a vast contrast to the other agency I work for.
Another big step for me this week was entering the 8-5 workforce...and being able to do it...I did it! I really wondered....granted I have worked early hours, and late hours in the past....but never what most call bankers hours on a day in day out basis....I was so sure I would be late at least once this week...but nope early every day....my problem will be that I often leave late....I am not a clock watcher if I can help it....and I sometimes do not know it is the end of the day until I notice the extreme quiet all around me....that happened several times this week. Even the days I worked at both agencies..(funny I felt sort of like Milton from Office Space being at my old job those 2 nights, remember the part of the movie when he really no longer works there but doesn't know it?).....I had to be reminded it was 5:00 at agency one, and then they called on the intercom at agency two to tell me they would really like to go home, and could I please hurry up and finish.....I am sure I used to be a clock watcher, but I stopped wearing a wrist watch 2 years ago, and the only instances I really noted the time in those years was to write it down in a phone log. I thought about buying another watch, or getting new batteries for the many I have here at home...but dunno...I kind of like not always knowing what time it is...
I had some really awful moments the early part of the week when my mind was full of just one question...."What the hell have I done?!"...but as the week progressed it did get better...especially the days I was assigned some small task that involved more than just learning the ropes. And coworkers have already come to me with questions....and I could answer them...I knew the answers!!! So very cool!
Yesterday was a wonderful day...today was pretty good....my mind was split once again between the two agencies...since I had worked at the old one last night....I felt I had left something unfinished...still not sure what it was though. Being in the old agency, and knowing that I didn't have to be there was an amazing feeling...it felt sooo very good. I had to call a few clients, and they were so surprised to hear from me...(very pleased too which made me feel good)...but I think I confused them....am hoping that next week will be my last week there. I was told today they had narrowed it down to 3 people...I keep wondering if any of them interviewed for my new position and I beat them out...social services is a very small world....so it could happen.
I work with one of my old bosses at the new agency, and my immediate boss ask me a question yesterday that made me laugh...and then I had to scramble to try to be polite....I will call the old boss Deputy Dog (my new nickname for him) and my new boss B...anyway after receiving a very frustrating phone call from a coworker regarding a very important meeting it seems Deputy Dog had forgotten to set up ...B looked at me and said, "Sunny, tell me something, and BE HONEST!"
Suddenly I knew what she was going to ask me, I have not worked with Deputy Dog for 2
years, but the memories suddenly hit me.....and I was right...B asked, "Sunny, did Deputy Dog ever DO anything when he worked at the old agency?"
I laughed and replied, "Do I really have to answer that?"
I then proceeded to tell her of the things he is really good at, but that no, many times it was the office joke...wondering where he was, or wondering what exactly Deputy Dog did. He is an idea man...but a man to accomplish tasks...nah doesn't happen often. It seems some old dogs really can't learn new tricks.
B having the kind of trust to ask me such a question made me feel very good. I had felt that we were establishing a rapport and that question helped to seal the feeling. Her next comment was even better though. She mentioned something about another of her subordinates being ADD, but that worked for her, she (B) gets along well with her....I grinned a huge smile..."You must have an affinity for people who are ADD" I said. She laughed and said, "Not you too?" She also told me that she hired me because of the way I communicate, the way I think, not because she thought I already knew what I need to know...that helped a lot....a whole lot!
Of course I am still worrying, worrying if I will be as good as I want to be...worrying that it will take me too long to learn the things I need to learn...worrying...worrying..worrying...Sheesh...I never thought of myself as a worrier before....I usually keep it internalized....maybe blogging is not always the best thing for me.
But I am going to try to remember what a friend told me this week, he said..."trying something new is always a risk....taking a new job is always a risk...but if it doesn't work out...you start looking again"....somehow that calmed me.
Not really sure why, I guess because I finally realized she didn't hire me on any false pretenses...I was very straightforward about my abilities...not one to puff up my resume with bullshit....so if she hired me, then so will someone else...
Only I think I am going to really love my job....even though I know there will be days that I just want to be home hiding under the covers....I think most of them will be very fulfilling. Plus it was time, it was time to move on...time to expand my horizons.