Mixed Lot

During my shopping this past December, I visited a local store filled with unique items (I rarely shop, so it is a special treat to visit there when purchasing special gifts), this year I came across some little books by Brian Andreas, filled with his stories and storypeople. I ended up buying four of them, thinking that I would gift them to others. I did give one away, (sigh--bad me, I kept the other three for me and my children)

Brian Andreas on his stories: "Most of you have asked where the stories come from. I don't have an answer for that. All I know it that the stories we love are about ourselves. The stories we tell about our children, the family myths from our grandmothers and grandfathers, even eerie fables that leap at us from the Enquirer in the grocery store, are all stories about ourselves. Our lives are intricate puzzles, filled with remembering and forgetting, all the pieces scattered seemingly at random. Stories are th one guide I've found to be true. They are signs pointing the way across our inner landscape."

Today, during a much needed break, I picked one of them up, to read for a smile. Each of his drawings are quite childlike. And, his commentaries/stories give a smile, or a thought to ponder on.

Some that struck me today from his book entitled Going Somewhere Soon were: (I pilfered the images from the website though...gotta keep it honest here ya'know)

* * * * * *

How old do you have to be to die? he said
& I said I didn't think anybody was ever old enough

& that made sense to him since
he was still new to the world &
remembered how forever had been.


* * * * * *

* * * * *

When I was young

I always wanted to go exploring in a cave

and when I got older I finally did &

it was dark everywhere & there were

strange sounds like your stomach after a

big meal & I couldn't wait to get out.

I figured it out later
that I mainly liked to
go exploring caves in
my mind where I could

be comfortable & not get dirty & cold. If you read

too much National Geographic when you're young

it's hard to adjust to the real world.


* * * * * *

* * * * * *

I watched the pellet leave
the gun. It was like a
big black fly & it
landed on the blackbird's
wing & suddenly there
was
a
single
drop of bright
bright red & voices of the
world seemed
farther away & I
knew I could never
do that again.
the sounds of the
other birds stopped
for a moment as
its song flew out to all corners of the world
& I hoped that someday I would be remembered
that way


* * * * * *

I asked her why
she never told
us about the
Ten Commandments
& she said she
wasn't ever that good with numbers
So she loved
everything as best she could &
I remember thinking who
needs all
those rules
anyway with
a mother like her
around.

* * * * * * * * * * *

As I said, a day when I needed pleasant distraction. All in all it should have been a very good day, I was in top form working with clients and co-workers, in fact I received my 90 Day performance review today, and my supervisor scored me all 5's (with 5 being excellent), this made me feel very pleased. Even tempered with the fact that I feel the "typical" job performance review is skewed....the wrong people doing the evaluating.

Anyway, as I said it was a pretty good day, I had the opportunity to speak with someone very special to me the night before, and those feelings of warmth were still filling me as my morning started.

But, then I received a phone call, I had forgotten that I had promised to have lunch with a friend. (see other blog)

I agreed to be there, and the food was excellent, we visited a new Deli in town, I had Chicken Tortilla Soup and a Caesar Salad. But in light of a recent conversation she and I had shared, I was also a bit leery. The conversation was OK, we both spoke of the problems we were dealing with, commiserating with the other, etc. She even gave me some excellent advice and pointed me in the direction of another friend to discuss the other job I am kinda sorta considering applying for. I do love my current job!

But there were things she said, that made me wonder, who she is, after all these years, I felt as if......as if, I had not really known her. I looked at her with new eyes. Noticed things I had not really taken the time to observe before. I have always known she is a troubled soul, a wounded soul. But, I had not realized how close minded she is, how lost in the trappings of material life. I left that hour with her, with a disordered mind, my thoughts an inchoate jumble.










The rest of the day followed suit, within minutes of returning, I spilled a huge glass of iced tea all over a pile of paperwork, then when refilling the candy bowl I keep out for my coworkers, I dumped the majority of the coconut-filled chocolate kisses all over the floor. My headset was annoying me, so I used the phone handset, twice pulling the entire system off onto the floor when turning to use my computer, disconnecting the callers in the process. A symptom of my garbled thought processes?

One of those afternoons, one of those afternoons when I was uncomfortable in my own skin.

I just need to remember this...............

"Our lives are intricate puzzles, filled with remembering and forgetting, all the pieces scattered seemingly at random. Stories are th one guide I've found to be true. They are signs pointing the way across our inner landscape."