But, today, it was so much worse. I realized something terrible had happened.
I couldn't find my silly side, it didn't matter what I was doing, I couldn't find that little bit of me that is almost always amused or bemused by the things, and/or people I observe. It was rather disheartening.
I felt blah, totally and completely blah. Blah is bad.
A friend called, noticing my total blahness, a bit hard to miss, since my voice was practically expressionless, he tried to cheer me up, (at least I think he was trying to cheer me up), by imparting the following piece of wisdom:
"Life is just moments. Moments of joy, moments of sadness, moments of angst, moments of bliss, moments of confusion, moments of clarity. Life is full of moments, enjoy the nice ones, and remember, the not so great ones will soon pass."
I sighed, and told him, "That's a really great philosophy, and one I believe, but it isn't helping. I just want to see the amusing side of life again. I miss that part of me." I sighed again, a long drawn out, woe is me, sigh. That pretty much ended the conversation. I could tell he was bewildered, knowing I was not in the mood to be cheered up. I just wanted my silly back.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
This evening, was a family celebration, my son's birthday. So, we did the family dinner out, not an easy thing to do at this particular stage in our lives. But once we got through the initial awkwardness of being out to dinner together, and were home for birthday cake, and the gift giving, something happened that made me realize where most of my lighter side comes from.
My son was reading through one of his gifts (A Japanese Cookbook), and I was telling him of the really great one I hadn't purchased, even though it was quite well written, but it didn't have photographs of the finished product, or the ingredients, and I knew he would want one that did.
Anyway, it contained an interesting article on the history of Sushi. As I was explaining the story, (which I had already forgotten half of....sigh), my silly came back, for the life of me I couldn't remember the Japanese word for the seaweed used on sushi. I called it Nemo, for some unknown to me reason, this had him guffawing with laughter.
"Why are you laughing? What? Did I pronounce it wrong?" It took me a moment......well duh!.....Nemo is a fish...the fish with the bad memory is Dory, (my kids called me Dory for a while after the movie came out), and the seaweed is called Nori....which is probably why I called the seaweed Nemo in the first place. I started laughing too.
My discovery about me? When I am able to laugh at myself, I can see the amusing side of life again, so simple, just being able to laugh at myself.
Me being me, I had to google, Nemo Sushi.....and there it was! There are other people in the world who think like me! Who knew?