Thursday, July 05, 2007
Hum Drum Sighs
Hum drum, or limbo, not sure what it is, but that is what life feels like right now.
Nothing happening divorce-wise...I mean nothing! The preliminary hearing has been re-scheduled, and re-scheduled again..and...I know...it will be again. Not much happens at the first hearing...but I have (or had) the hope that it will get the rest of the process moving along.
Right now I feel as if I am...hmm...what am I feeling?
Ever had to take a lukewarm bath, because most of the hot water was used by someone else? You know how great that perfectly heated water would have felt...so relaxing...sinking down until just your nose is above water...luxuriating in the warmth, the silky feel of the water, how soothing it would have been, you might even let out a groan of pure bliss. But, it isn't that perfect temperature...it is just warm enough to be comfortable...but not worth staying in for long...it just doesn't do the trick.
That is how I feel...everything is just lukewarm.
I want some sort of plan...I need some sort of plan...I didn't realize it...until now...it doesn't have to be a solid plan...just some teeny tiny bit of knowledge so I can know what to expect next.
Spontaneity in life is grand, I love most of life to be that way...I did that with my day today...did what I felt like doing as the day progressed, but in the back of my mind, I had a bit of a plan...I knew that at dusk, I would be gazing upward into the night sky enjoying a fireworks show. I did too. Nothing organized, nothing set in stone, but it was an option, an option I exercised.
But...now...the only certainty I have is that I will be working tomorrow. And, for some reason...today anyway...I want more. Tomorrow I may not want more...but right now, this instant, I want that hot bath!