Thursday, July 05, 2007

Hum Drum Sighs






















Hum drum, or limbo, not sure what it is, but that is what life feels like right now.

Nothing happening divorce-wise...I mean nothing! The preliminary hearing has been re-scheduled, and re-scheduled again..and...I know...it will be again. Not much happens at the first hearing...but I have (or had) the hope that it will get the rest of the process moving along.

Right now I feel as if I am...hmm...what am I feeling?

Ever had to take a lukewarm bath, because most of the hot water was used by someone else? You know how great that perfectly heated water would have felt...so relaxing...sinking down until just your nose is above water...luxuriating in the warmth, the silky feel of the water, how soothing it would have been, you might even let out a groan of pure bliss. But, it isn't that perfect temperature...it is just warm enough to be comfortable...but not worth staying in for long...it just doesn't do the trick.

That is how I feel...everything is just lukewarm.

I want some sort of plan...I need some sort of plan...I didn't realize it...until now...it doesn't have to be a solid plan...just some teeny tiny bit of knowledge so I can know what to expect next.

Spontaneity in life is grand, I love most of life to be that way...I did that with my day today...did what I felt like doing as the day progressed, but in the back of my mind, I had a bit of a plan...I knew that at dusk, I would be gazing upward into the night sky enjoying a fireworks show. I did too. Nothing organized, nothing set in stone, but it was an option, an option I exercised.

But...now...the only certainty I have is that I will be working tomorrow. And, for some reason...today anyway...I want more. Tomorrow I may not want more...but right now, this instant, I want that hot bath!

8 comments:

Fiona said...

Gorgeous hair!!!!!!

Sometimes, Sunny, to get that hot bath, you have to fill a kettle and put it on to boil. It's not always about turning on a tap and finding hot water there. It takes effort and you have to leave even the lukewarm water and expose yourself, for a while, to get the water you really want.

I love you and you are in for a ride, for sure, but I know you are up to this my sweet woman. I know you are on the right track and no matter how humdrum or lukewarm it feels, this is a phase.

Anytime you need me, I'll happily put the kettle on for you :)

big big hugs...*waving* I'm here for you

Fi

Jac said...

And maybe this is the emotional resting time needed before you set out on your next big adventure? You do have much ahead, so breathe and refresh during this tepid time! I've noticed, that, whatever water I find myself in, I'm never quite satisfied, anyway.

deb said...

I'm feeling the same way, stuck in limbo, not sure what's happening with regards to Katie and her group home. Just waiting and waiting but the upside of it is that I'm learning to stay here, right now and here isn't so bad.

LePhare said...

I'm always in hot water. Only the depth varies. I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine.

Another thoughtful post Sunny.

plan0 said...

We need a plan to feel in control. Even if that plan goes to hell. May you get back that sense of control, of purpose.

Here's an idea - plan to take that hot bath tonight. Then move on from there.

Sunny Delight said...

Fi,
Thanks. *W* It seems to get redder with my yucky well water here. Pretty soon I won't have to color it!

I know the ride is going to be rough...hoping not...but the not knowing anything at all is a bit crazy making at times!

I know you are here for me, your support through out these many months has helped me sooo very much, I will never be able to thank you enough! I love you too!

jac,
Maybe you are right, but I am beginning to feel kinda antsy...and yet, I can see that this may well be the calm before the storm...
Thank you for all of your support too! I know this is so much easier than it could be...because of my friends...online and off.

deb,
Sigh...you have been through so much getting this home for Katie...I hope it all comes together for you soon!

The waiting does get tiresome though, I am happy with my here and now. Maybe it is just that I have no idea what to expect...except that it will be unpleasant no matter what.

Ian,
Hmmm, it's a deal!

You, me, and Fi, and kettles of hot water? I think we need a hot tub!

SC,
Thank you for your wish...just a little bit of that feeling in control would help.
As for the bath...I will have to buy a stopper for the drain...the bathtub here doesn't seem to have one...sigh.

X. Dell said...

(1) I've got a tea kettle, and could boil some water for you. I don't think it will still be hot when I get to you though:-)

(2) I'm wondering if this delaying is a somewhat standard tactic, a way of encouraging couples to reconcile. Can't blame the courts, if they did this on purpose, and if one spouse wants to get back together. But at the same time, if your intentions are clear, a reconcilliation seems unlikely to me. I would probably react to this the same way you are.

(3) That's you in the picture?

Sunny Delight said...

x.dell,
(1) Hmmm, we would definitely need a jacuzzi with 4 in the tub! :-)

(2) So far it has nothing to do with the courts, first my attorney delayed, then his attorney delayed, and the next date will interfere with a show my daughter is in, so one more delay, and it will be August before anything happens. We will not be reconciling, I think we both knew it was inevitable...it has just taken my husband longer to realize it.

(3) Yes.