Thursday, February 28, 2008

Who Is This Woman?

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Recently I took an online relationship/personality profile test.

The final analysis surprised me in some others it seemed right on target.

I dunno, something to think on...

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Agreeableness: Taking Care of Others, or Taking Care of Yourself

You Are Best Described As:
  • Usually taking care of others.

Words That Describe You:
  • Understanding
  • Unquestioning
  • Humane
  • Selfless
  • Gentle
  • Kindhearted
  • Gullible
  • Indulgent

How You Interact With Others:

Here's one important truth about you: you have a tender heart. Yes, you know that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior. And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their choices or circumstances.

But most of the time you are there to help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush.

You're also smart enough to know that you cannot take good care of others if you fail to take good care of yourself, so you listen to your own wants and needs. If you've run out of sympathetic energy, you spend time restoring yourself. If you've ignored your own pain or frustration, you find a friend who will listen well, or go into your own private healing place and give yourself permission to focus on you.

But before long, you're back at it with your friends, offering a sympathetic ear and compassion on which they learn to trust, also giving straightforward advice and counsel when they ask for it. You do know how to take care of yourself, but your genuine interest is in taking care of others.

Negative Reactions Others May Have About You:

Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light.

Maybe they'll think you're a phony, that you use your altruism to get others indebted to you so they'll then owe you a favor. Or perhaps they'll accuse you, directly or behind your back, of focusing on the needs of others so no one ever focuses on your foibles or your genuine wounds.

All of these are false accusations; yours is a genuine compassion, because you truly have a tender heart. One criticism might be more substantial, though. People might notice when you let things get out of balance and spend so much time responding to others that you neglect your own needs.

Perhaps it's true to some extent that you are more comfortable when the focus is on someone else's needs than when you and your needs are front and center, and this may be a criticism worth paying attention to.

Positive Responses Others May Have Towards You:

Positive responses to you are likely to far outweigh negative responses. For many people, your genuine kindness will be an example of a way to treat others and a way we want others to treat us. They will see in you the traits of compassion and sympathy which they might want to focus on in the development of their own character.

For those people you help you will be the friend they need, there at the right moment to help them when they've stepped into yet another thicket of pain or confusion. They will be grateful for your listening, for your straight talk when they need straight talk more than anything, and for the hand you extend so they can find their way, with your help, out of whatever tangle they've gotten themselves into.

Openness Dimension: Curious or Contented

You Are Best Described As:
  • Sometimes curious, sometimes content.

Words That Describe You:

  • Accepting
  • Flexible
  • Educated
  • Self-aware
  • Middle-of-the-road
  • Proper
  • Distinctive
  • Indecisive
  • Adaptable

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences:

Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.

Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.

Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.

Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking:

Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.

Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You:

Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".

You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.

Emotional Stability: Steady or Responsive

On Emotional Stability you are:
  • Steady

Words that describe you:

  • Relaxed
  • Even
  • Unwavering
  • Constant
  • Certain
  • Together
  • Cool
  • Detached
  • Tranquil

A General Description of Your Reactivity:

When emotions get topsy-turvy, most of the time you keep your feet on solid ground. When some of your friends lose control of their feelings, you are able to stay relaxed and even. It's not that you're cold-hearted or without feelings. On the contrary; you can be fun-loving. You hurt when a friend is in pain or is in trouble.

You might cry occasionally at a movie, or when watching a particularly touching story on the evening news. But in moments of emotional pleasure, or when troubling feelings rise up within you or around you, you keep yourself together.

Here's a fundamental truth about you: when it comes to your emotional world, you are certain and constant, not flapping around and out of control. It's a good thing because life will come at you, as it comes at all of us, with emotional surprises. We all hit hard times, or get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of fear or joy or anger or sadness.

Once in a while you'll get caught up in the feelings of one of these moments. You get silly, maybe too silly, with your friends. You wake up in the dark, or run into dark thoughts, and find yourself afraid of . . . of something, though you're not quite sure of what. The sadness around you creeps inside you and you feel "down" for a while, but you push your way through it. "Think", you say to yourself. "Stay calm, and figure out a way to cope". Soon, you're relaxed and together again, your feet are once more on solid ground, and your emotions are under control.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You:

"How do you stay so calm in this emotional storm. Don't you feel anything?" Some of your friends might find you too controlled, as if you don't feel things as deeply as they do.

Your ability to stay so unflappable while they're coming apart at the seams could lead them to believe you just don't care enough, either about your own emotional world or about the pain or pleasure they're so caught up in. This might lead them to exclude you from those seasons of their lives when their feelings are deep and they need to surround themselves with people they believe will understand the turmoil they're in. They won't think of you as such a person, so they won't let you in on their emotional whirl.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You:

The opposite may be true as well. When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.

Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.

Conscientiousness: Focused or Flexible

Your approach toward your obligations is:
  • Flexible

Words that describe you:

  • Spontaneous
  • Intuitive
  • Perceptive
  • Natural
  • Somewhat Disorganized
  • Unpredictable At Times

A General Description of How You Interact with Others:

When there's a job to be done, like most people you want to know what the goal is and when it's to be completed. For you, that's a start. Next you want to know what the plan is to get to the goal. So you lay out a plan, or at least the major points of a plan: "Organize the kitchen sometime this spring" or "Get the project at work done as soon as possible." You don't need an in-depth specification of every little detail; in fact you prefer not to work that way. You lay out your goals, develop a general plan, and then you get things done.

You believe in intuition as well as organization. As such, you trust impulses as much as strategies and you value spontaneity as much as you do efficiency. In a word, you like to keep it flexible. When you set out to accomplish a task, you prefer to have some room to maneuver. Like an artist, you find that the best way to reach a goal is not always in a straight line. Some of the most productive times for you are the unplanned moments of inspiration and creativity that just come to you. While you do keep to a general plan, those times of pure vision and originality are what really drive you.

Some of the people who rely completely on an organized approach to getting things done may be surprised at your efficiency. But there is a definite method to your approach. With a creative flair that others may not have anticipated, the original plan gets met and there are often a few extra accomplishments along the way. Your comfort zone starts with a task and a plan but it also requires the freedom to be able to go with your instincts and impulses so that you can not just accomplish the task, you also have the option to explore something brand new along the way.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You:

People may have problems with your style for two reasons. First, you don't always follow the rules or go along with detailed plans, whether at work or at home. Those who need the details to stay on task just don't quite understand how you are going to get it all done. Second, while you get things done - the way you veer off course at times and use your creativity may leave others wondering what went on. Some people find all this creativity and thinking "out-of-the-box" at odds with their desire to follow a clear course. And this causes not only some confusion it may also spark some anger toward you at times. Even you would likely admit that living and working with you takes someone who is able to let you do your thing at times. If someone is really tied to a rigid approach to how things should get done, there is clearly the potential for some conflict with you.

Every workplace and home does need a modicum of reliability and a decent amount or order and organization if it is to accommodate the mix of people who work or live there. That leads to a serious question for you: Are there times when your creative, though at times unpredictable, style keeps others off balance? Are there some plans that should be sacred, some space always well organized, some charts left as designed? Are there are some things you could change that would allow those who live and work with you to feel more in control; changes that wouldn't impinge on your creative processes? If others are finding your style to be difficult to deal with you may want to consider how you can all work together most efficiently.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You:

The truth is that your work style gets things done, often with more beauty, fun, creativity and imagination than others could ever manage. But your style is very unique to you. Flexibility is essential to your style. With your creativity and flexibility the path you take to any goal can make everyone's accomplishments more inventive and enjoyable. Bringing some extra enjoyment to people's work can be a real asset; one you may want to use more consciously.

Deep down inside there's also another truth you should consider. A lot of people wish they had some of whatever it is that you've got. They get so bogged down reading the committee notes or checking the project calendar that they seldom just cut loose and let their impulses run. They neglect their intuition to the point that it barely whispers - that is, until you come along with yours shouting out loud and remind everyone in the room that there's something to listen to besides the original plan and the orderly, organized path laid out to get there. So not only do you enhance the accomplishments of the group, you also enhance the lives of each member willing to find in themselves the spontaneity that is your trademark personal characteristic.

Extroversion: Outgoing or Reserved

When it comes to Extroversion you are:
  • Outgoing

Words that describe you:

  • Friendly
  • Gregarious
  • Full of Life
  • Unreserved
  • Kindhearted
  • Talkative
  • Emotional
  • Spontaneous
  • Vigorous

A General Description of How You Interact with Others:

People light you up. In conversations, planning meetings or almost any social situation, you bring your energy and your friendly, outgoing personality into these engagements with other people, and you come away pumped up. You can hardly wait for the next event, as long as other people will be there. And you're good at it.

You know how to communicate. You listen well, the first rule of good communication, and then, when it's your turn, you talk vigorously and with animation; in your uninhibited way you give all that you've got to the encounter.

In situations where you feel very safe, when you know and trust the people you're with, you can be very kindhearted and unrestrained. You let your affection for and pleasure in being with others flow freely. You're wide open And when you get back this same kind of unrestrained warmth, you are deeply satisfied. Because you are so friendly and full of life, these are among your favorite moments.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You:

As much as you like being with other people, not everyone will like being with you. Hard to believe, but your gregarious and warm manner is not everyone's cup of tea. Some people are more cautious than you in personal encounters; others think the work place should be more formal, more impersonal than is comfortable for you. Still others, who may want more of the spotlight, will find you too much to compete with once you get your lively and outgoing self in motion.

Here's another word of caution. You've been at this warm and open way of relating for a while, but for some people it's a brand new experience. They may be protecting something inside themselves, some fear or guilt or shame, or some private part of their story that they're not yet ready to share. Your openness might threaten them, and they'll take a step back and be reluctant the next time to engage you in the kind of exchange you find so easy and satisfying but they find so dangerous.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You:

Many people, most probably, will be glad to be in the room you're in. At work you make the environment livelier and the banter more interesting, so the time moves swiftly and the experience is a happier one. At home you keep everyone connected because you engage each of them in the conversational action, and as a result they are more connected as well with one another. You make home a warmer and more interesting place for everyone who lives there.

You might also be helpful to some people. There are those who need to talk but aren't very good at it. They don't know how to begin the kind of conversation that would allow them to share whatever is in their personal stories that they'd like or need to talk about. You could make that easier for them with your way with words. Some people just need an example and a little encouragement to come out of their shell and get into the greater fun and personal connectedness that will make their lives so much more satisfying. Again, you might be just the right person to make that happen for them.

So almost everyone will be glad to be with you, you make life more interesting for those you live and work with, and you could help some of your friends who need just a little encouragement to open up and find in themselves the kinds of energetic and warm connections that you thrive on. Not that you are a pushover; in fact, you are often quite assertive. In taking care of yourself you also make sure that others are engaged and energized.

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I kind of like this woman...I hope I become her.

I think I am going to show this to my boss...see who she thinks it describes.

1 comment:

X. Dell said...

If you like what you see, then far be it from me to disagree. I do see you as very kind, however. Trhoughout your divorce process, I don't recall you demonizing your ex--something very common. Your dedication and attention to your clients at work have also been chronicled here.

I can also see emotionally steady, at least in terms of how you express it. Once again, your interaction with people seems to indicate that you have a good deal of control in your actions as they relate to your emotions, and your reactions to srangers (like the strangers dislocated by the flood) don't seem very extreme.

I would guess that the other parts are true. I just don't know you well enough to say.