I woke up this morning, and it all hit me...
OMG! I have so much to do! How will I get it all done?
So, I started rewriting my To Do list, as this usually helps calm me, I become more focused and can prioritize.
But, suddenly it has morphed into...multiple lists.
I know what I have to do, I know how to do it. I know who to delegate to. Yet, my anxiety level always goes ballistic every time I look at them, every time I think of all that must be done! I have multiple things to accomplish all with deadlines within days of one another.
Being a procrastinator sucks!
*Inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly, once...twice...three times.*
Telling myself, "I can do this, I will do this, and everything will turn out fine, just fine. I know this. It always does."
Why don't I believe myself this time?
* * * * * * *
To add to my topsy turvy emotions, Digger Bob died yesterday. I am not sure why, but, Kiko killed him, she broke his neck. I assume she was playing too roughly with him, as she had that tendency with Moose when he was smaller, it could be frightening to observe, in fact I spent time training her to play more gently with him. Yet, Digger Bog, our six month old kitten, is no longer with us.
I can accept this better if I think she was just playing too roughly. She and Digger Bob seemed to adjust quite well to living in the same house together. Several times I observed him walk over and stick his nose into the food bowl while she was eating, he even ate a few bites. In essence sharing the same bowl, and not once did she express agitation or aggression toward him.
Whether it happened in play or not, he died, and not gently. My heart aches, and I am having a very difficult time showing love to Kiko right now. My stomach does flip flops every time I am in the same room as she. I know, this too will pass. Soon I hope.
* * * * * * *
In some ways, even though it is the main reason for my increased stress level, I am kinda looking forward to my trip to Texas next week. As long as I attempt to keep from worrying about what is not getting done at home, and what is not getting done at the office. (Although I will have the laptop with me, so at least some of that stuff I can do from there.)
Once I am there, I should be able to focus mainly on the conference (at least during the day), the new people I will be meeting, And, in the evenings, if I am lucky, I will get to walk the streets of the city...something I truly enjoy.
* * * * * * *
Right now, 'tis time for me to take a long walk here in the country, I won't think of it as a time waster, because the end result will be a more relaxed and focused me.
*I did call my mom, and thank her for being my mother. That was a good part of my morning, a very good part.*