I woke up this morning, and it all hit me...
OMG! I have so much to do! How will I get it all done?
So, I started rewriting my To Do list, as this usually helps calm me, I become more focused and can prioritize.
But, suddenly it has morphed into...multiple lists.
I know what I have to do, I know how to do it. I know who to delegate to. Yet, my anxiety level always goes ballistic every time I look at them, every time I think of all that must be done! I have multiple things to accomplish all with deadlines within days of one another.
Being a procrastinator sucks!
*Inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly, once...twice...three times.*
Telling myself, "I can do this, I will do this, and everything will turn out fine, just fine. I know this. It always does."
Why don't I believe myself this time?
* * * * * * *
To add to my topsy turvy emotions, Digger Bob died yesterday. I am not sure why, but, Kiko killed him, she broke his neck. I assume she was playing too roughly with him, as she had that tendency with Moose when he was smaller, it could be frightening to observe, in fact I spent time training her to play more gently with him. Yet, Digger Bog, our six month old kitten, is no longer with us.
I can accept this better if I think she was just playing too roughly. She and Digger Bob seemed to adjust quite well to living in the same house together. Several times I observed him walk over and stick his nose into the food bowl while she was eating, he even ate a few bites. In essence sharing the same bowl, and not once did she express agitation or aggression toward him.
Whether it happened in play or not, he died, and not gently. My heart aches, and I am having a very difficult time showing love to Kiko right now. My stomach does flip flops every time I am in the same room as she. I know, this too will pass. Soon I hope.
* * * * * * *
In some ways, even though it is the main reason for my increased stress level, I am kinda looking forward to my trip to Texas next week. As long as I attempt to keep from worrying about what is not getting done at home, and what is not getting done at the office. (Although I will have the laptop with me, so at least some of that stuff I can do from there.)
Once I am there, I should be able to focus mainly on the conference (at least during the day), the new people I will be meeting, And, in the evenings, if I am lucky, I will get to walk the streets of the city...something I truly enjoy.
* * * * * * *
Right now, 'tis time for me to take a long walk here in the country, I won't think of it as a time waster, because the end result will be a more relaxed and focused me.
*I did call my mom, and thank her for being my mother. That was a good part of my morning, a very good part.*
6 comments:
Saw it was Mother's Day in the U.S on our Il Divo calendar, and thought of you. After all, you're a Mum, and a very good one. X
Sorry to hear the bad news. If only animals could speak.
s'mee,
Thank you for all your kind sentiments. SUH's and other kinds as well.
Oh dear, this was hard to read. I don't have any experience (self or hearing from others) with two animals in the same house and one actually killing the other. It's common for things to get dicey, yes, but death, actual death? No.
I would also have a hard time with the "perpetrator", accidental or intentional. *sigh* It just takes time to move through such shit, doesn't it? (Crap. Can I talk like that here? If not, feel free to delete away. I'm pretty free with my speech...and everything else, lol.)
Hope you have a grand time on your trip and I hope your center holds. Beyond what you've said in this post, I sense "something" is up with you. (Maybe I'd know if I read back through your posts. Time is a theif for me, too, and I don't have the luxury for such indulgences at the moment. Oh well.)
Travelin' mercies. Ever read Anne Lamott? Check out: "Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith" or that other one I can't seem to pull from memory right now. Damn.
Methinks you might like her style.
(smile)
_______
Hi, Sunny, I dropped by to see how you were. I'm so busy, these days. I know. Excuses, excuses. Hope you don't mind me catching up.
Sorry about Digger B.
With this post and some of the others, I sense loss. Maybe a period of mourning that loss (kitten, relationship or otherwise) would be helpful and appropriate.
Then again, I'm not a shrink.
Have fun on your trip to Texas. The conference should be nothing, if not stimulating. And you will have an opportunity to network with peers and sample the nightlife.
Ms. Psycho Therapist,
You may say anything you wish here, a little cursing does one good! Sometimes it feels absolutelyfuckingwonderful! I did a bit of it today...YEP one of days!
The kitten...it is amazing to me how much I miss him, as he was with us for such a short time. As for Kiko...maybe being away from her for a bit, will bring my affection back to its previous level...dunno.
I do own some of Anne Lamotte's work, I like her, and will have to check out Plan B...
Good sensing...there is lots going on...and I am attempting to figure it all out...it hit me today...aside from all the pressure at work right now...my baby is graduating from high school...I'm sure that has just a tad bit to do with my current less than stable emotional state.
x.dell,
I have been lurking through my google reader now and then on your blog as well, but not taking the time to do more than that...you are ever piquing my curiosity.
And, yes...I think I am in a phase of mourning...for many things...many lives...
For some reason, I myself, sense a certain chipperness about you...and that makes me smile.
I know the tasks seem daunting, but as I started tell myself in high school (when I was in way more AP classes than I should have been), "Do your best, get done what you can get done, and if you can't, you can't, and no amount of freaking out is gonna change that."
And I'm so sorry about your kitten :(. I've never heard of anything like that happen in a multiple animal household and I dunno what I'd do if my Onyxia turned up no longer with us. So sorry dear *huggles* This too shall pass.
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