It's raining, it's late, I should be sleepiing. I can't.
Chelsea has surgery on Monday, I'm Ok with that, sort of.
The snow has finally all melted, and my yard can officially be named the Bone Yard. The neighbors dog has spent the winter dragging road kill into my yard. Fluffy bits of fur and large and small bones, litter my yard.
My spetic system is messed up, another expense I wasn't expecting. I put money into savings, and it comes right back out again.
Alex lost his job last weekend. Another child needing gas money to get to school.
My parents are now housesharing with my sister. A good thing.
My father is now almost blind, cannot hear, and is taking a medication to help him stop smoking which has him sleeping 18 hours a day. He won't stop taking it. His escape?
My niece, mother of 4, but not a mother. The phone calls come at random moments.
Sunny? What can we do? Can we have her commited to a pychiatric unit?"
No, she is an adult, we can't , nor, do we have the right to decide where she goes. It's going to take her hitting bottom.Bu t, we are a family of enablers, just ain't gonna happen. I sometimes wonder what it will take. A child terribly injured or dead.? My niece terribly injured or dead? It's so sad to know that each one of us had the thought at least once, "The children would be safer, everyone would be better off, if she were dead." How terrible we feel when that thought slithers its way into our brains. What will it take, before her father will finally say, and mean, enough is enough?
Life, we can't plan for it, things happen, We keep on dealing.
3 comments:
Oh, dear.
We were never taught (as infants) that Life can be hard and cruel and random. We are shocked to learn otherwise.
Even so, we persist, subsist....survive. And we count our blessings. Because we all come to learn the true meaning of the term.
I wish you peace of mind.
(1) I hope Chelsea's surgery went off without a hitch.
(2) I'm sure that inside of a Hobson's choice that some unpleasant possibilities come up, and that one can see relief in the worst of things. Yet it's hard to admit that to ourselves, sometimes. Like a parent with Alzheimer's dementia. You want them to live as long as they can enjoy their lives, but as the caregiver you also realize how less complicated your life would be if they were no longer your responsibility. I don't see that as an ugliness within our thoughts, though.
Although bottom can be deeper for some people than others, if you're heading that direction all the enabling in the world won't stop you from eventually getting there.
Best to you always.
Prayed surgery went well... Felt in a very deep and personal way about the rest. Much love as always. xo
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