Sunday, October 29, 2006

Weekend from Hell

Good name possibly for the few days before Halloween.
My parents asked me to help them move this weekend....and I thought that I would be a good and dutiful daughter and do just that. (oh where did that thought come from?)

Somewhere in my brain I have forgotten just how disfunctional my family is....we decided to spend Friday night at my sister's house to be closer to help out, after all my parents are moving 2 doors down from her...we arrive about 9:30 Friday night...ready to relax, watch a movie with Lil Sis and her daughter, with the hopes of getting an early start Saturday morning.....

Somewhere in all of this I had forgotten how secretive my sister is....I have been accused of being cryptic at times....of using the art of redirection to not answer a question....perhaps I learned this from my sister....she is a master at it....although sometimes there is no redirection...there is just no answer...she will just get up and leave the room....I had brought a large bottle of Zinfandel....after a few glasses I was okay with the simplest question not being answered....but when she received several phone calls from family members and she did not bother to let them know that I was sitting across the room from her, I did begin to wonder ....wtf?....When asked about this...she just said...."They will know soon enough that you are here....

So we settled in, watched a movie, I fell asleep feeling all warm and snuggly from my glasses of wine....using this to also allow me to forget the startling, upsetting, and shocking news my lovely almost 17 year old daughter had decided it was time I learned on our drive there...she always imparts her secrets on long drives....gulp...sigh...tears....she has lost her virginity....not because she was in love.....but because she had just decided it was time.

My response was to ask for as many details as she was willing to indulge me with....sigh....more than perhaps I needed to hear...and enough to make me very sad....and to also realize that I had really had the inkling for awhile now but had not wanted to press her to tell me.

So, yes in this instance I used alcohol to dull my senses...to try to allow that piece of information to digest for a bit....still not sure how I feel about it...glad that she did it safely...but sorry she didn't wait until it happened because she could not imagine not making love to a particular boy....she said she wanted her first time to be with someone who was not a virgin, and this close friend fit that bill along with the fact that he was a very good friend....another....sigh....and I kept and keep thinking at least she did it safely and was prepared....but when I asked her if she enjoyed it all....the answer was no.....so is that a good thing? or a bad thing?

I thanked her for telling me....she said she had to, she had wanted to tell me immediately, even cried several times at keeping it a secret from me for as long as she did....but I keep thinking maybe..... just maybe if she had done it with someone she really loved, really felt that overwhelming lust for....it would have been a wonderful experience....instead of "ho hum". Perhaps this way was better, no fear of forgetting herself and having unprotected sex, no fear of it happening on a regular basis with a steady boyfriend....but I know each time she becomes involved with a boy now....I will immediately wonder how fast they are moving along the sexual highway.

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Saturday morning, we arrive at the home of my parents.....my god! I thought I was going to lose it! I have never thought of myself as the most organized person in the world...but the few times I have moved as an adult...there are several lists.....each box is labeled....each piece of furniture to be loaded is well planned out.....

They were packing as the truck was being loaded....literally one box at a time.....have they reached dementia and I didn't realize it? They was no organization, I remember walking in the door, looking around and immediately wanting to turn around and walk out again.... but nope.... I basically ended up taking charge....putting boxes together and packing packing packing packing as fast I could while still being able to label...my daughter was amazing...everything I asked her to do...she did...no questions asked thinking...I think...even though she has never moved in her life...that this was not exactly the proper way. Finally at 8:00 P.M. tonight.....the last few boxes were unloaded.....and I asked myself....where did I get the idea that I would move them on Saturday, and help them unpack and have the majority of their new home set up and organized by tonight? I have lived away from them for far too long...because memories of child hood moves started flickering through my brain....and it wasn't really that different.

My parents are the caregivers of one of my nieces young children....which is the reason for this move...instead of downsizing their home as most elderly adults do....they have to once again upsize....another niece had babysat for the 10 month old all weekend, and someone needed to pick her up.....another 45 minute drive oneway across my state's largest city....her father...my brother rode with me...he called his daughter to tell her we were on our way to pick up the baby. When we arrive at her apartment she in not home....he calls her...she tells him she is on her way to my parents new home...but only 5 minutes out...so she turns around and meets us back at her house....where is the difficulty in communication here?....I had heard his end of the first conversation...he quite distinctly had told her we were on our way.....sigh

We get the baby...my little brother who has lived in the area for the last 18 years shows me a back way to get to my parents new home....sigh.....another 45 minute drive that is supposed to take 12....yep you read that right 12 minutes...that is what he told me...

We are driving on back roads...unlit, unlined, pothole filled back roads....5 miles from the new house...when I hit a pothole I couldn't even see....right rear tire blows out....I mean blows...there is at least a 7 inch gash in the tire....luckily there is a small parking area nearby for a small lake ....pull in...check out the damage....find the spare...happily a full size one since I am 45 miles from home...call my sister to see if she can come and pick up the baby...

Remember how I said my sister is cryptic? She says she will be there immediately .....waiting waiting....by this time my wonderful little brother has the tires switched...but the spare is very low.......sigh......call my sister back....she says she is "almost there", I see headlights...I say "Oh this must be you....nope....that car just passed on by...."

She then says, " I am walking out the door, what do you want me to do?" At this point I also realize that her enunciation is very slow...she is drunk! I tell her, "Never mind we have it taken care of"....I look at my brother.....and say...."Please define for me the words "I am almost there" and "I am walking out the door". He just shruggs and says, "I think we can make it to Mom and Dads on this tire."

Huge sigh....what choice do we have....parents have no phone yet....more poor planning...and no cell phone..it had gone dead earlier in the day.

Arrive at my parents new home....unload the baby, grab my daughter and head to the nearest gas station to air the tire....finally find the air compressor in the darkest farthest corner of the lot...and it doesn't work!

Find the next gas station...they of course do have one...but it costs $ .75. They charge for it! Dig around...... find the coins...fill the tire....get on the freeway...drive approximately 10 miles....and....we are at a deadstop....the highway department has decided that late Sunday evening is the perfect time to resurface the freeway. We then travel 5 miles in 34 minutes.

I am home, I have to tell my boss about my new job tomorrow, hand in my formal resignation....ah my weekend is over...I now have 2 weeks of a new hell....of maybe not...

4 comments:

LePhare said...

It's called 'Murphy's Law', if anything can go wrong it surely will! They say that moving is one of the most stressful things you do in your life, but moving someone else, that's got to be worse.

Sounds like you have a sensible daughter...... wish I could say the same.

Sunny Delight said...

Sensible? Is that sensible...she is beginning to scare me....oh why can't they stay 4 forever?

Fiona said...

I'm not a parent, it's hard for me to comment I guess.

But reading that hon, it does sound like she's been sensible. Sensible in protecting her body and her spirit by being with a friend. Maybe not the most romantic of methods but eyes wide open.

Maybe it's worse to lose 'it' to someone whom we think we are in love with, only to find out we or they aren't.

And better maybe to give rather than have it taken?

Well, like I said, I'm not parent, just my two cents worth.

And oh my god that WAS the weekend from hell.

NOW you deserve only good things!!!!

big big hugs

lephare14 said...

Believe me, compared with our daughter, she's has shown sense.

Take a deep breath and be thankful she told you.