Changes

In recent months I have half-heartedly been searching for a new job. Whenever one that interested me came open I would send in a resume....most I eventually decided weren't really for me or they decided I wasn't for them....then a couple of old work pals told me of an opening in an agency that I work closely with. Intrigued I sent them my resume...at the very last minute of course....my procrastination showing through...I received an email the next day asking me for an interview, and salary history.

Had the interview--which went great btw, discussed salary, less than I am making now...but they worked on it...and raised it substantially from the first offer....at that point I was flying high! Imagining all the new possibilities....the new things I would learn....the variety of experiences I would have......she wants a second interview....we talk...I get more excited.....

At todays second interview we talk benefits and salary.....

She says...." the dollar amount"
I say...."I can live with that"

Then I say..."are you offering me the position?" (shocked)

She says..."it makes me sick."

I say...."it makes you sick to offer me the job?" (laughing)

She laughs...."No, that I cannot offer you more money, to be honest I had 3 great candidates but I want you!"

My thoughts....wow, cool---then---- what if I disapoint her? what if I turn out to be not all that great? what if I can't do it? (I do not have a self-esteem problem)

I was trying so hard not to wriggle in my chair in excitement....we talk some more...I learn a few more details of the position....it is everything I think I want.....except.....except.....


So I yahoo my friend who works there...tell her my idiotic low-self-esteem worries....she tells me....

"You will be great, you have always been an overchiever."

Is she talking to me? Me? God I must have her fooled.

So...what I do know is......

I want this job...it has so much about it that I know I would like...love.

Another friend said to me....to reach your dreams you have to cross your fear...pretty good wisdom from someone half my age!

I know I need to make some changes in my life....I love my current job....but also strongly dislike the atmosphere and poor management style.... this is a life change....granted not a humongous one....but still something different.....

The downsides of the whole thing....
1) I have never in my whole working life.....worked a rigid 9-5 type schedule....I have always had the flexibility to create my own schedule....I will not have that with this job.
Someone told me "Welcome to the real world"

2) The people I supervise will miss me, I am one damn good boss! and I will miss them.
Two someone's told me "You have to do what is best for you"

3) Am I looking for change in the wrong place? Am I facing the wrong fear?