I have in my life some of what I cherish, my children. But as each day passes my role as a mother diminishes more and more. I accept that, I expected that, I have prepared myself for that eventuality.
I am not patient, I want my more, I want to have more to cherish. Something to cherish for the next phase of my life. I want to know that my someday will come. In finding that, I have to ask.........
The Magic Question: If I could do anything‚…what would I do?
I have asked myself that question so many times. How many more times will I continue to ask?
The answer is there, but I wait, I wait just a few more months. Telling myself that those months will stream by in a flash. Then I can truly search out my someday wishes, my someday dreams.
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But I am weary. So very weary. Weary of seeking, searching, asking. Some days I am just weary of waiting.
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I have nothing to make a comparison to. I have no other life that I can look at, and understand. Yet so many of us live such similar, parallel lives, why am I unable to learn from these similar tales?
Because I consider myself unique. They don't have my same history, my same perceptions. The similarities are not enough to teach me how to wait for my someday.
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We live, we breathe, we love, we laugh, we sing, we dance, we cry.
We go on, some of us still chasing dreams, some of us still trying to figure out what that dream is, some of us lost.
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Are we living pretend lives? I am weary of the endless questions I asked myself, the endless hiding, I am weary of questions not asked and answers not listened to, I am weary of not being able to say what I feel. I am weary, so very weary of wishing and dreaming, searching and hoping with no end in sight.
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Or maybe, I see the end, I sense the end, I just don't know the when.
When is the right time, is there one, how long can I keep hiding, pretending to be 'almost here'?
When do I know it is the right time to find my more? To find what I cherish?
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Today I am weary of waiting for when someday comes. I want to cherish now.
8 comments:
That was beautifully written.
jonas, from you that is a compliment beyond compare.
Let's not get carried away. I'm afraid of heights. If you put me on a pedestal...well...no good could possibly come from that.
Your sentiments and words rang true.
It was beautifully written Sunny...as so much of what you write (actually all), is
You dig deep, you expose raw nerve endings, you have without a doubt taught me much since we met in here *S*
You've made me ask myself very searching questions and yet you've never judged and I do so appreciate that.
Your someday will come, I just hope it is of your doing. That you take charge and go to seek not only what you want, but what you deserve.
You are a warm, caring, sensual, incredibly loving woman and such a woman deserves someone who can appreciate you. I'm not knocking anyone in your lift who has partnered you until now. But it's simply not enough any more and you deserve a whole lot more!
Big hugs!
fi, From early in my life, when I first read Greek mythology and learned of the three fates,~spinnng, measuring and cutting the threads of life~ strange how our minds latch onto something. I have always imagined our souls as made of a fine gossamer fabric. For years mine has been tattered and worn, rip and ragged.
But in recent months, I have been blessed, new souls have been busy, weaving their way in, repairing and patching, with each new beautifully brilliant patch added, it is being pieced back together, and stronger than ever. I feel more whole than I have in years and years.
You are one of those weavers, you are someone I cherish.
(I know 'tis corny and a bit saccharinish, but ya'll do keep telling me how sweet I am *vbs*)
You ARE sweet...and I have one hell of a sweet tooth (as evidenced by more than ample hippage!!)
And I absolutely agree....that patchwork is a thing of beauty in itself...and those patches indicate work and dedication...a desire to make something whole and functioning again...and in being patched, even more beautiful than ever
big hugs...and thank you for being in my life
fi, I have I told you I love you recently? I think I need to send DG a thank you note! *VBS*
Aaaaah if there's one man in blogland I would love to thank, tis DG indeed. For without his urging to join the blog fraternity, I wouldn't have met you, nor the man I love!!!!
If you do ever find him...tell him thank you from me too .....for you and for my love *VBS*
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