I have in my life some of what I cherish, my children. But as each day passes my role as a mother diminishes more and more. I accept that, I expected that, I have prepared myself for that eventuality.
I am not patient, I want my more, I want to have more to cherish. Something to cherish for the next phase of my life. I want to know that my someday will come. In finding that, I have to ask.........
The Magic Question: If I could do anything…what would I do?
I have asked myself that question so many times. How many more times will I continue to ask?
The answer is there, but I wait, I wait just a few more months. Telling myself that those months will stream by in a flash. Then I can truly search out my someday wishes, my someday dreams.
But I am weary. So very weary. Weary of seeking, searching, asking. Some days I am just weary of waiting.
I have nothing to make a comparison to. I have no other life that I can look at, and understand. Yet so many of us live such similar, parallel lives, why am I unable to learn from these similar tales?
Because I consider myself unique. They don't have my same history, my same perceptions. The similarities are not enough to teach me how to wait for my someday.
We live, we breathe, we love, we laugh, we sing, we dance, we cry.
We go on, some of us still chasing dreams, some of us still trying to figure out what that dream is, some of us lost.
Are we living pretend lives? I am weary of the endless questions I asked myself, the endless hiding, I am weary of questions not asked and answers not listened to, I am weary of not being able to say what I feel. I am weary, so very weary of wishing and dreaming, searching and hoping with no end in sight.
Or maybe, I see the end, I sense the end, I just don't know the when.
When is the right time, is there one, how long can I keep hiding, pretending to be 'almost here'?
When do I know it is the right time to find my more? To find what I cherish?
Today I am weary of waiting for when someday comes. I want to cherish now.